A Blue Pill Guide-Tripper

A commenter over at Roissy's posted a link to a blog A Shrink For Men, that I just spent the last hour skimming through the archives of recent posts to get a taste for the kind of "shrinking" is being offered.

The author, Dr. Tara, describes her blog thusly:

A blog for professional men in complicated relationships and dissatisfying careers combining psychology, insight, humor, irony, sexuality, and social commentary.

Based on my readings, I would describe it like this:

A blog for average married chumps in out-of-whack relationships because they've let their wives become their authority figures who rule their lives because they live in fear of her emotional state. This blog will commiserate, empathize and sympathize and make you feel like you've done nothing wrong...it's all her fault, she's either Bi-polar or Narcissistic, and I'll make you feel better by letting you know you don't deserve this.

That's just my impression based on skimming through several of her posts and the letters and commentary of the men seeking her advice and describing their situations.

I would call her a blue-pill guide-tripper.

When I was a young kid in high school, my peers and I hung out with an older boy who was our "guide-tripper." He was basically our mentor in the sex, drugs and rock and roll lifestyle for which we all believed -- thanks to our mass media indoctrination programming -- were the keys to having a fun and meaningful life. He had experienced taking various drugs, and introduced us to them, serving as our guide in dealing with expectations and experiences, especially when it came to hallucinogens.

My take is that Dr. Tara's advice serves as sort of a blue pill guide-tripper, because the key flaws I find with the advice she doles out basically is nothing more than coping strategies to keep guys firmly plugged into the FeMatrix of our Brave New World Order - i.e. it's not that you're supplicating beta provider role is the cause for her contempt for you, that has you caught in an irrational, emotional tornado that has you walking on egg shells around her...no, there's nothing wrong with you. Get away from HER and eventually you'll find a lucky woman who will be grateful she's got such a nice guy.

You might think that I'm jumping to some pretty big conclusions based on a cursory skimming of a website...and I concede that might be the case.

But I don't think so.

In short, the concept of female hypergamy doesn't figure into her assessment of the situations these men are dealing with. In fact, the word doesn't even come up on her entire site.

This shrink is prescribing blue pills for men who've already been taking it their entire lives. In short, I get the impression that she doesn't see men who pedestal-ize women is the problem here...only that they picked the wrong woman to put on their pedestal.

Let's take a closer look to see what I'm talking about:

From Is She a Crazy Bitch? A Quiz

This isn’t a rhetorical question. If you’ve asked yourself more than once, “Is my girlfriend/wife/fiancee a crazy bitch?” as a clinical psychologist, I’m here to tell you the answer is, “Yes. Diagnostically speaking, she may very well be a crazy bitch.“

It's not your fault. Now call or skype me, give me your credit card number, and I'll tell you how none of this is your fault, she's either Borderline Personality Disorder or has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder!

A crazy bitch insidiously makes you feel like the unstable, angry person. You soon doubt your interpretation of events and experiences. In psychological circles, this type of woman is said to suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or a combination of the two. Actually, the ones who really suffer are the people who come into contact with the Borderline or Narcissist.

Hmmm...official sounding Medical-ese from a licensed PhD!

Take the red pill...and you'll quickly see the problem here is that women are emotionally driven creatures, and her basic mindset responds badly to taking the role of authority and dominance in a relationship.

Before I proceed any further here, let me first make this disclaimer: there really are some women (and men) who are truly bat-shit crazy. The rest of this post does not apply to truly crazy individuals.

But I believe many of the "symptoms" Dr. Tara writes about here are often times nothing more than the manifestations of married couples playing out the script of disharmony for the average, dysfunctional union we now know of as Marriage 2.0.

In most of these cases, the real problem here is not some psychological disorder that requires counseling and medication. No, the men writing to Dr. Tara need to take their balls back from their wives purses, re-attach them, and STAND UP.

In short, they need to reverse the roles in their relationships to restore complementary balance in the gender roles.

Here’s a quiz to find out if you’re involved with one of these women:

* Does she fly into rages without warning over relatively trivial matters like a web page loading too slowly?

Trivial rage is a classic symptom of a woman who is deeply unhappy that her husband no longer gives her 'gina tingles. Her contempt for her situation - being married to a man she despises because she walks all over him - causes her to have a deep, visceral dissatisfaction with her situation.

* Are you always the scapegoat/bad guy whenever she’s frustrated, disappointed or just plain bored?

A woman that respects and looks up to her husband would never dream of using her man as a scapegoat...because he would never let her. He'd stand up to her and immediately call her on that kind of bullshit.

* Do her friends (that is, if she has any) describe her as a “drama queen?”

* Does she describe herself as a drama queen? If so, congrats. You found one with a modicum of self-awareness.

{Misogyny alert}

...all women are drama queens. ALL. Some just have found a constructive, healthy outlet for their deep-seated need to experience psychological titillation. Roissy's latest post on Curiousity, Women and Game juxtaposes quite nicely with this last point.

Be unpredictable. Unpredictability can make a day trip to the beach seem like a fantastic getaway to a remote fantasy island. A surprise trip once every couple of months will be enough to keep the average vagina tingly and loyal.

Curiosity is win-win for men. You do fun, exciting things, and women become more attracted to you because of it. All it takes is a push off the couch. Given that most men can’t even manage that (“Game’s on, baby. Not now.”), a push off the couch automatically puts you ahead of the vast swath of men who secretly bore their girlfriends and wives.

Got that? All women need some sort of drama in their lives. Negative or positive...at least it's not BORING. This is precisely why so many women are attracted to, and constantly go back to abusive men. They may be abusive...but they are certainly not BORING.

If you don't give her drama, she WILL give drama to you.

* Is her lipstick a little too red? Is it applied like theater makeup and a tad crooked?

Well no wonder you think she's psychotic. She's taken so many pills and drank so much booze she can't even put her makeup on straight...

* Did sex begin with an earth shattering bang and fizzle into infrequent, transactional and conditional sex?

Translation: She used to have the hots for you when you first began dating. Than you beta-ized, ceded all authority to her, and she no longer lusts you. In fact, she downright resents you. For her to even consider having sex with you, you'd better compensate her for the unpleasant task of banging a contemptible beta. Buy her that mini-van or diamond necklace she's been wanting, and you might get lucky!

* Is she a black-and-white, all-or-nothing thinker?

This means you let her set the frame of every conversation. RE-FRAME!

* Do you lie to your family, friends and colleagues about what goes on at home?

* Do you find yourself making excuses to your family, friends and colleagues for her inexcusable behavior?

Of course you're lying to everyone else...because fundamentally, you're lying TO YOURSELF. You're both living a lie...she thinks she's "normal" for being the dominant partner in the relationship, and you think you're being a "nice guy" why does she have to be so crazy when I've done nothing but try to make her happy? Yet you're both miserable...despite her being the empowered, independent STRONG woman of the 21st century, and you being the NICE GUY...why are you both not happy?!??!?!

* walking_on_eggshells: Do you find yourself walking on eggshells around her?

It's not because she's got a terminal case of personality disorder that requires treatment from a doctor....it's because YOU'RE BEING A SACK-LESS WIMP AFRAID OF HER EMOTIONAL STATE!

* Does she hate your friends and family and become angry or tearful when you spend time with them?

* Is she pathologically jealous?

This is because you repeatedly fail her shit tests. Her anger and tears manipulate you...and it works. That's why she keeps doing it. And the more she does it, the lower her opinion - and attraction - for you gets.

* Does she project her feelings onto you? For example, she’s yelling and raging and then accuses you of being angry. WTF?

Wait, what? Women...project feelings onto their men?

To paraphrase my new favorite commenter at Chateau Roissy... lzolzlzolzozlzollz!

* Does she focus solely on her emotional experience while exhibiting little or no empathy for yours?

Now why would she have any empathy for the spineless wimps she does not respect or admire? He'll beg, plead, supplicate and kiss her ass whether she cares or not...

...so she doesn't.

* Have you distanced yourself from friends and family because of your relationship?

You fool. Time to re-prioritize your life and stop making your relationship of trying to appease and accommodate her in a hopeless bid to try and "make her happy."

Make Your Mission, Not Your Woman, Your Priority!

* Does she place you on a pedestal one day only to tear you down the next day? “I’ve never known anyone like you before. You’re so wonderful!” Next day: “You’re the devil! You’re the most selfish bastard I’ve ever met! You don’t love me!”

As if she's saying such things in a self-contained vacuum.... NOTE: the answer you give her for either of those questions could either escalate or kill her attraction for you.

She CAN'T tear you down if you don't let her:

"You’re the devil! You’re the most selfish bastard I’ve ever met!"
"Thanks for the compliment, babe."

"You don’t love me!"
"Not when you're acting like a petulant brat." {Follow this up by spanking her on the ass}

* Did she change her identity after she landed you? For example, when you first met her she was a sexy, adventurous, sweet ballbuster; now, she’s afraid of her own shadow, has no outside interests and goes ballistic if she has to do anything without you.

If you no longer inspire her to be a sexy, adventurous part of YOUR life, she will drag you into her world...a world where she's deeply unhappy with your failure to satisfy her hypergamous instincts.

* Does she put you into “no win” situations in which nothing you do is good enough and you’re guaranteed to fail?

TRANSLATION: You repeatedly fail her shit tests. The more you fail them, the worse it gets. You get caught in a death-spiral of exponentially increasing contempt as she goes crazy with the growing realization that she's married to a gutless, spineless wimp.

* Does she exhibit stalker behaviors? This usually occurs during the courtship phase or when she senses you’re about to make a break for it. For instance: Calling and hanging up? Calling over and over and over until you answer the phone? Does she wait outside your home, uninvited, until you arrive? Does she show up at places she know you’ll be, also uninvited? Has she tried to get close to your friends in inappropriate ways?

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...especially when she has contempt for the guy that DARED to reject her!

If you answered “yes” to more than two of these questions, you may be involved with a Borderline or a Narcissist. You’re not alone. They’re everywhere.

If you answered "yes" to more than two of these questions, you need to realize that your relationship dynamic is seriously out of whack, and your Renfield mentality is driving her mad, hating the beta that you've become.

Most of the men who ended up in my therapy office were there because they were experiencing stress, depression or anxiety as a result from being in an emotionally abusive relationship with a Borderline or a Narcissist. Ironically, most of the time they were shamed and pathologized into seeking counseling by these women. Never mind that most of the symptoms my male patients experienced were a direct result of being in a relationship with a BPD or NPD.

This is precisely why I think this "DR. T" is nothing more than a blue-pill guide-tripper. Any man who gets "shamed" or "pathologized" into counseling by a woman...well, he's got no game.

Men, remember. A woman can only emotionally abuse you, if you let her.

You're problem is not that she's Borderline or Narcissistic...it's that you have a case of One-itis, and you've bought into the lies that you should try to supplicate, plead and be subservient to her to achieve a happy relationship.

A woman who is in love with a man who has options...will be on her best behavior to try and keep you attracted to her. But if you're beneath her, she will let her inner-harpy out without a second thought.

If you think you may be involved with a Borderline or a Narcissist, good luck. They’re typically treatment resistant and they never really get any better. If you choose to stay in relationship with these women, I strongly recommend you educate yourself about the disorders and learn some basic behavioral management skills.

By: Dr Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Or...you can save your money, and figure out what "hypergamy" means and how it applies to your relationship dynamic, and put her back into her place.