Tuesday, October 20, 2009

When She Asks You About Your Past...THIS is how you respond.

Anakin Niceguy, the Biblical Manhood blogger who I do respect despite some vehement disagreements with him in the past about the relevancy of "GAME" on relationships -- Christian AND secular -- was giving advice to young men who's potential woman in the beginning stages of a relationship asks him about his past...more specifically about his prior usage of porn.

Men, if and when the subject of your past comes up with a Christian woman, be honest and ask her if she is going to hang it over your head. Because if she is not resolute about letting the past be the past, then you and her are going to be miserable together.

No, you will be miserable together because by taking this line of reasoning with her in the first place, you are ceding the moral authority to her, giving her the upper hand in the relationship dynamic and basically acting like a spineless, Beta wimp that is afraid of her disapproval and future anger.

Always remember that in order for any male/female relationship to work, SHE HAS TO RESPECT YOU to feel attracted to you.

See, Anakin's response was an intellectual and logical response to what is essentially nothing more than the Christian woman's version of a shit test.

And Anakin's response is failing that test miserably.

All of you "so-cons" and MGTOW'ers that agree with Anakin's line of reasoning and think that "GAME" is an immoral, sinful, unnecessary and/or "changing yourself to cater to women," I say to you that have missed the forest for the trees.

"GAME" is just as important to your relationship in a Godly, Christian marriage as it is in a Pick Up Artist's attempts to seek out casual sex from women of loose morals.

This is because GAME, at it's essence, is understanding the base nature of female attraction...hypergamy.

The most god fearing, devout religious woman STILL needs to have a husband that inspires respect and admiration from her to maintain her level of attraction and "love" for him. This is the true essence of what hypergamy is.

Some "SoCons" have taken this to mean that woman will always leave or dump a man when a more dominant male comes along. This is not true, and is a complete misunderstanding of what applying "GAME" to a long term relationship means. The principles of hypergamy simply means that no woman will have feelings of love or attraction for a man she cannot respect. Attraction is NOT a logical, intellectual exercise. It is not a rational judgment that women make. If you act as if you are beneath her, that you are afraid of her emotional state, that you are afraid of her "using something against you in the future" you are acting in a manner that will trigger her hypergamous gut instincts of disgust with a mate she does not consider worthy of following.

This was my response to Anakin's post:

Anakin, this is just another instance of "LTR GAME" and how your difficulty in comprehending the relevancy of 'GAME' and how it also applies to a Christian relationship just as much as it does to PUA looking for meaningless sex.

This should be a BONUS for you in dealing with your woman. This is the opportunity to show her that you are man that has developed himself into a moral agent of character, through trial and error.


She is supposed to be your potential love mate, NOT YOUR MOTHER.

Second of all, she will only be able to "hold it against you" in the future if you go about it all wrong.

If she asks you 'Did you ever watch porn' it's not the fact that you admit it, but HOW you do it that will determine her reaction.

Are you going to act guilty and shameful? Are you going to essentially make an admission in a manner that cedes the upper hand of moral authority to her? Because in doing so, you are literally GIVING her the stick to beat you over the head with later.

This is exactly what I meant when I came here a while back and talked about "MANNING UP."

I did not use that term to "shame" men, but to give real helpful advice in dealing with relationships...because I've been there and done that.

You need to understand that your instinctual response to what is essentially nothing more than a "shit test" has set you up for failure:

"Men, if and when the subject of your past comes up with a Christian woman, be honest and ask her if she is going to hang it over your head."

This is completely BETA. This is ceding the power and authority in the relationship even before it truly gets started. There can be NO GOOD OUTCOME FROM DOING THIS.

By asking her if she is going to hang it over your head later, you are virtually guaranteeing her that she will! Because you've just placed yourself in your relation to her as beneath her. This will than create contempt for you, as all women, Christian or heathen harlots, all desire to "mate up."

First and foremost, I agree with you about being honest. You should have NO reason to lie to her...because YOU SHOULD NOT BE AFRAID OF HER "HOLDING IT AGAINST YOU LATER!"

You do not "ask her how she feels about it." You do not try to sugarcoat or make it sound any better OR worse than it is.

You stick to the facts. You should tell her "yes, I used to watch porn. I realized that it was damaging my spiritual essence, it was corrupting my character, and I quit watching it and I've learned that I'm a much better man for having developed such self-control."

And that's it.

If you handle it right, she will respect you for your no-apology, no wimpering, simpering, begging of her to not 'hold it against you' style. She will respect THAT kind of honesty...because you will DEMAND it with your demeanor.

Now, I realize that you and many other men that come here have already made up your minds to remain celibate. I'm trying to explain to you that your cynical view of women is predicated entirely on not only fear of her shit tests, but that you are already predetermined to fail them because of your fear of her doing what only comes naturally to her.

We are all sinners, no?

So why should you be afraid of telling your woman that you've learned from your past sins, and are a better man for it now?


Alkibiades said...

Exactly. Never be afraid to tell the truth. I told my LTR at the beginning of our relationship that she could ask me anything and I would give her an honest answer.

Now, I didn't tell her what to ask and I didn't give her hints, but as our relationship progressed, she asked a few questions that I may not have wanted to answer or answer honestly, but answer honestly I did. I don't hide my past or the mistakes I've made.

I don't get these kind of questions from her anymore. She knows I'll answer and she's decided that if she's not going to like what I tell her she won't ask.

Silas Reinagel said...

While it is good to be honest and unafraid of the truth, at the same time, there are some truths that may be best left permanently buried.

In situations where there could be major legal or social fallout from certain revelations (such as when the statute of limitations has not yet expired), the most wise course of action is to reveal nothing. Though with things such as watching pornography or minor faults, a woman won't have any (non-emotional) power to hold things against you, in the case of legally damning information, there is no way to prevent her from possessing real power over you.

Simultaneously, having one of two things in your past that you will never speak of serves to ramp up your game and gives you a touch of a mysterious side. It's even better than Shady Character Game since you don't have to act or pretend to have a criminal past.

The important thing is to be unapologetic about one's past, and be indifferent to her emotions or response to whatever things you have or haven't done in your life. Game Rule: Don't be insecure.

Keoni Galt said...

in the case of legally damning information, there is no way to prevent her from possessing real power over you.

I'd agree with that. In that case, keep it to yourself.

dizedi said...

I have to agree that was a total Beta response when I read it on BM. You can admit to porn or backhand her and say something like you only watch the porn she isn't in or bullshit her and say you only look at her now but you never ask permission from a chick for anything.

Mommy are you going to be mad at me for looking at porn?

Dude, HL is right, Man Up.

djc said...

In my case, I'm just tired of the shit tests, period. A woman's charms are not worth all the shit tests. I'm really, and truly, much happier being alone. For me, it's a much more peaceful existence.

*** ******** said...

it's interesting to watch the decline of men's attendance to church over decades as God went from the flood the earth, damn the consequences type of guy to the "jesus loves the little children and god is there for you" type of guy you tend to hear about in church more now. if i want a friend or a shoulder to cry on, i'll pay a hooker.

Justin said...

Great advice. I gave similar advice to my brother, who was divorced, but afraid to mention it to a religious chick he was getting serious with. The general rule: Don't show shame, just explain in a way that affirms your goodness and worth. Good girls love a "reformed bad guy".

anoukange said...

Could not agree more. Brilliant.

Tarl said...

Great response, but why were you even there? Why are you reading the insipid maunderings of some eunuchoid beta?

Anakin Niceguy said...

Did you guys read my response to Hawaiian Libertarian and the actual context of what I said?

I didn't really come up with the advice. It was actually a PUA who came up with it.

Justin said...

Dave, the main problem with this post is your sloppy use of terms. Hypergamy does not mean women want a man they respect. I think you are conflating issues here, softening the impact of the hypergamy theory to make it more palatable.

Game means so many things to so many people, it is hard to strike down.

Keoni Galt said...

How timely, Justin. I was just ruminating on my idea for my next post here.

I was going to explore the idea of "hypergamy" in much greater detail.

Oh, and I was not being "sloppy." I was merely referring to one manifestation of hypergamous behavior. In essence, women want to marry up. It's hardwired into their reproductive-driven, biological imperative.

And expressing fear of her emotional state, or worrying that she'll hold something you tell her against you is merely one aspect of behavior for which her hypergamous hard wiring will instill contempt for it. There are so many other ways men can run afoul of this hypergamous instincts of the feminine id.

Russ DoGG said...

"Yes I used to watch porn and Im not going to hold your appearance in "Teen Hitchhikers 7" and "Spank a slut" against you.

My friends & I watched it recently. Butdon't worry there all open minded..

Are there any other movies you starred in I should be aware of?

WE can have a respectful relationship despite your past.....

Anonymous said...

In many circles the term is often used interchangeably with mentoring or one-on-one teaching or discipleship. In the marketplace, the function of Coach bags
has taken on unique characteristics that produce effective results. Increasingly, these skills require specialized Coach Gallery
A one- or two-day coaching workshop will simply not give potential Coach Hamptons
the instruction or guided practice they need to become effective Coach Legacy