Tuesday, December 29, 2015


My favorite Southron Paleface called me a pineapple a couple of posts ago that elicited a hearty Laugh Out Loud In teh Real Life from me.

He followed up the with this: "...see, racists can make racist nicknames against each other. in the good ol' days that meant camaraderie!"

Commenter Victor Michaelson weighed in as well: "It reminded me of the America I grew up in, where guys could razz their buddies and it wasn't a Federal offense."

Damn straight you raciss crackers!

We got a special word for you melanin-deficient and solar-sensitive folks here in Hawaii: Haole (pronounced "How-Lee").

From the greatest movie ever filmed in Hawaii

Most folks that have never been to Hawaii, or who have only visited briefly on vacation, have usually only heard of the word haole associated with only negative, racist connotations...the equivalent of the "N-word" for white folks.

That's simply not true. It's a very versatile word and can be used as a simple adjective, a term of endearment or employed as a provocative epithet. As a fair-complexioned (but not totally pale) hapa-haole mutt, I've had the term used on myself in all of these contexts at one time or another. Yet, whenever haole folks come to Hawaii and find themselves being referred by that term, they almost always take immediate offense.

Take this guy for instance:

More haole den haole...

Shua ting, brah, you one human...but you still one haole.

But seriously, let's take a closer look at where this term came from. It's a common myth that the term comes from the Hawaiians who first encountered Captain Cook and his crew's pale faces, they called them Ha'ole, a compound word made from combining Ha- meaning breath, with 'ole meaning without.

This legend is up for debate, as the linguists who study Hawaiian language and the Pidgin English have belabored to dispel the commonly accepted origin. To the credentialed classes, haole is it's own Hawaiian word, and it simply means foreigner:

So if we are to literally go by the textbook, haole really doesn't have anything to do with white skin. In theory, yes, but in practice, no. Thanks to the deluge of immigration from all corners of the globe mixing and miscegenating for a couple of centuries, Hawaii is the so-called ideal "melting pot" our modern day SJW's and progressives say they are supposedly working towards with the rest of the world. In such a chaotic environment of so many different skin tones, hair and eye colors, race is the first way we immediately identify each other, and in that context, haole means white.

I do believe Hawaii is the ideal "melting pot" society....but there are two distinct features about what we have here that makes it much different from the progressive/SJW ideal.

First thing that makes it "work" is we are all race realists, race conscious and racist to the core. It's the only way we can all get along. We don't try to uphold some unrealistic, mystical feeling of holiness attributed to the supposedly ideal paradigm of  "color blindness." In fact, we have the exact opposite. We're more color aware, we're all equal opportunity racists. We LOVE our stereotypes and our racist jokes. At least that was the Hawaii I grew up in. Because of this, we all have similar words like haole that are used to designate all the various races that call our islands home. We got similar words for the Japanese, Chinese, Koreans, Samoans, Micronesians, Filipinos, Puerto Ricans, Vietnamese, and Hispanics. Most of these terms are just like haole - they can serve as simple adjectives or spitefully intended perjoratives. In most cases, you just add the word fuckin' in front, and the harmless adjective turns into hateful, bigoted and racist invective.

Here's a song from the 70's from Hawaiian music's most popular act of that era, the Beamer Brothers. with one of their most popular songs that is still sung and played by musicians at parties and backyard jams everywhere in the islands to this day. In this song, all of the major ethnic groups and their sterotypes regarding their cultural practices and socio-economic status are fair game for good natured-ribbing:

The ending of the song really highlights the main point of this post here:

One thing I when notice 'bout this place
All us guys we tease the other race
It's amazing that we can all live in the same place

I sadly see more and more of the next generation of local folks accepting the progressive SJW mind rot programming of "equality" and "anti-racism," and our common culture is suffering for it. For decades, local stand up comedians made entire careers out of night club routines and television specials making fun of all the races that made up the multi-ethnic society of 20th century Hawaii. There were no sacred cows. We were all fair game...and it had us all laughing our asses off. Yeah, we may have been laughing at you...but then one minute later, it was my turn and you were now laughing at me too. And thus, we were all both laughing at and with each other.

This locally produced tell-a-vision show from 1984 could be considered a good representation of the high point of Hawaii's functionally racist society. It was a childhood favorite of mine, and I was pleasantly surprised to find a clip of it posted on youtube.

In case you didn't figure it out yet, while black folks are "foreigners" they are not haole. We call them Popolos. Hawaiian island/urban legend goes that the first African descendants who came to our shores where of the particular hue that was so dark, the Hawaiians thought they looked purple. The Hawaiian word for purple is popolu...hence popolo. I don't know if it's true or not, but I do know this: just like the word haole, popolo can be used interchangably as mere adjective, a term of endearment, or a race-based slur.

Speaking of stereotypes, we local folk also understand that most popolos that recently arrive from the mainland for are far more sensitive about race than any other race. We have met more than a few black folks that quickly figured out popolo was the Hawaiian word for those of African ancestry, and many immediately equate it with the N-word in significance. Not true though. If we are trying to be deliberately offensive, we'll use the N-word like any other garden variety racist in the world today.

Nevertheless, if we local folks are trying to talk about black people and there may be some within hearing distance when we are conversing who may possibly get offended, we may sometimes say Olopop instead of Popolo (popolo said backwards).

As I mentioned earlier, I was pleasantly surprised to find the preceding clip on youtube, because it is not commercially available anywhere here in 2015. This clip was undoubtedly someone using their smartphone to video clip their VHS or betamax copy of the program. You see, in the last decade or so, our formerly somewhat cooperative society of equal opportunity racism has been infected with the PC mind virus, and the SJW's holy church of blessed colorblindness has caused many folks to scream victimhood at racial humor that was one of our mainstays of local Hawaiian culture of the 20th century. So many of these race-based shows and stand up comedy routines are no longer available or reproduced or re-released anymore, out of fear someone or another will get offended and file a lawsuit to recover damages for their soiled panties or sand filled ass cracks.

That being said, one of the original local comedians from that earlier era of racist harmony still seems to be going at it on youtube, and this clip will give you a pretty good rundown on our history of ethnic diversity and multi-cultural adaptation with regards to linguistics and cultural attitudes of our multi-cult society:

This comedian, Andy Bumatai, was one of the most popular stand up comedians and local tell-a-vision personalities of the 80's. In 2015, this kind of comedy is increasingly coming under fire. Note his disclaimer at the beginning of the clip. Even 5-10 years ago, such a disclaimer would not have been necessary. Times they are a changin'. More and more of the younger generations of Hawaii's locals have been assimilated into the PC-SJW Borg by globalized mass media programming and public education brainwashing.

No siree, it's the 21st century, and we can no longer hurt anyone's FEEEEEEEELLLLLIIINNGS. 

Everybody is so fuckin' sensitive. It sucks. I want my openly racist society back. More and more we see letters to the editors and magazine articles and tell-a-vision programs pushing the "colorblind" paradigm and that all of the racist stereotypes that bonded us all together in common racism in 20th century Hawaii, are now being considered more and more to be  thoughtcrime and badthink that must be expunged from our consciousness. It makes me sick to see Hawaii's uniquely harmonious and cooperative society founded on a solid sense of racial differences, slowly and inexorably being subsumed by the homogenized and globalized Brave New World Order mass media culture programming of hypersensitivity and ludicrous "equality."

Up until recently, we didn't have a pretend, fake ideal that everyone supposedly openly touts while harboring secret racism in their carefully guarded hearts and circumspect tongues. No siree, here in our island paradise, we embraced bigotry and race-based differences whole-heartedly and without reservation. 

Our code word for it nowadays is "local humor" I've been to parties where people asked if it were okay to tell "local jokes," basically asking permission from all present if it's okay to tell race-based stereotypical jokes. Most are still down with the program...but more and more people are starting to reject what was once a proudly and openly racist society...and from where I sit, we 'aint better off for it.

See...one of the reasons our society of mixed races "works" is because no matter what race you are or what culture you come from, we have this overriding culture of  "ALOHA SPIRIT" that most people quickly assimilate to. In many ways, it's similar to how all the different pale face crackers assimilated into the AMERICAN DREAM in the 19th century. Anglo-Germanic-Iberian-Mediterranean-Slavic-Aryan-Nordic migrations all arrived with different cultures and languages, with the only thing in common being melanin-deficient and solar-sensitive skin. But buying into the American dream eventually gave us what many now consider simply as white Americans (or Canadians).

Just as the miscegenation of all those Euro-strains of paleface resulted in a generic, homogenized race called "white" we have the same thing here in Hawaii....but it 'aint called Hawaiian. Only those of us with actual Half-Savage Aboriginal blood in our veins can be called Hawaiian. Those who are born and raised here, but have no Hawaiian blood, and are for the most part the Oriental descendents of the plantation workers imported by the haole sugar barons as third world serfs, they are something else - "local." 

Here are some examples of this common culture of "Aloha spirit" that define "local" off the top of my head:

* We get rush hour traffic as bad as anywhere else in our modern world. But nobody honks their horns here...ever. Unless it's due to an extreme situation like an imminent accident or trying to catch someones attention in a dire situation, we just don't use our car horns like that. If you find yourself in Hawaiian rush hour traffic and you hear someone honking their horn in frustration... well there's the fuckin' haole (regardless of the race of the actual driver.)

* When you try to merge into traffic, put on your traffic signal and in a manner of moments, someone will let you in, guaranteed. A couple of fuckin' haole's may blast past you and not let you in, but eventually a local is going to slow down and hand wave you in. We even let haole's merge, but then curse them when they don't show appreciation for the courtesy.

* Speaking of traffic in Hawaii, here's one of our more popular bumper stickers:

*  Other than traffic customs, we have a generalized culture of common courtesy like holding the doors open
for complete strangers, and before the ubiquity of cell phones, we always stopped to help fellow motorists with broke down cars and flat tires.

* When we eat in self service restaurants, fast food joints and plate lunch places, we clean up our tables and throw away all of our rubbish. The first time I went to the US Mainland at age 18, one of the first big culture shocks I experienced was seeing fast food patrons leave their trays and rubbish at their tables when they were done eating for the workers to clean up.

These are just a few examples of what I'm trying to get at. The "melting pot" ideal can only work when their is a common ideal that various racial stocks strive to assimilate to. 

As the comedian stated in the preceding clip, there are two kinds of haole, local haole and haole. I believe it actually goes further than that. In terms of use as a harmless adjective, haole just means white skin. No more, no less.

As a perjorative, however, it really means a white skinned person who doesn't conform to local norms aka "No more aloha." Most of us mixed race mutts and half savage racists of Hawaii got no problem with local haoles...or even haoles who are not born and raised, but demonstrate an affinity for the Aloha spirit ethos. Many a local who 'hates' haoles in general, end up marrying one and making hapa-haole babies. Despite having a paleface spouse and paleface children, will still "hate" haoles (the NO ALOHA kine.)

For real kine...some of my best friends are Japs, Pakes, Soles, Kanaks, Pordagees, Buk Buks, Yobos, Haoles and Popolos. I also know folks of all said races who I wouldn't piss on if they were on fire.

I once got into a scrap with a filipino kid in middle school, because he called me a fuckin' haole. I told him to fuck off, I'm Hawaiian, and that he was a dumb flip buk buk whose parents came here to pick pineapple for $.05 a day and that he should take his ass back to the Philipines. We punched each other in the face a few times, the teachers broke us up, and we later became friends when we had to serve detention together. He would often greet me as "haole boy" and I'd call him buk buk, and we'd laugh as we shook hands.

It's pretty much how we roll here in Hawaii.

In summation, racial awareness plays an important role in Hawaiian society, but it's not the be all end all. If you "get" what Aloha means, you can fit and find a comfortable space amongst others, regardless of your race.


To wrap things up, I offer you this quick guide for HBD-Hawaiian Style.

Since most of the previous section of this post discussed the term Haole, Whites are omitted here to avoid excessive redundancy. We talked enough about da haoles.

Blacks: Popolo, Olopops. Most popolos come to Hawaii as stationed military personnel. Most usually don't get it any better or worse than any other minority in Hawaii. If they get involved in an aggressive or violent conflict, the N-word may get used on them, but popolo is usually preferred. There are no real popolo jokes unique to Hawaii, as most are just popular black jokes that just substitute the word popolo for the N-word.

What do you call 1000 popolo skydivers jumping out of  da airplanes all at da same time? Nightfall.

Chinese: Pake ('Pah-kay'), Chink, slant-eye, slope, Cha Wan (chinese name for the rice bowl haircut), Chang. Terms When used perjoratively, Pake and Chang denote stinginess, miserliness, an unhealthy love of money and unscrupulous in acquiring it. Most Jewish jokes will work in Hawaii by substituting Pake.

Wot da difference between one Pake and one canoe? Canoes sometimes tip.

How do da Pakes name their children? They copy da sounds of da cash register! Ching! Chang! Chong!

Whats da odda way dey name da kids? Dey throw silvah weah down da stairs!

Filipinos: Flip, Buk Buk ('Book-Book'), Manong (Mah-nong). Notorious for eating goat and dog meat (particularly black dog), avid gamblers and chicken fighters. Also notorious for living with 30 extended family members in a 3 bedroom townhome...or buying a 3 bedroom house and building large extensions that resemble Spanish villas, so they can house 30 more family members.

You heard of da new Filipino cookbook? 101 ways for wok your dog.

What do da Buk Buk's call da dog catcha truck? Meals on Wheels

What do Buk Buk's call da Humane Society? (local animal shelter) Foodland! (local grocery store chain)

Japanese: Japanee, Jap, Buddha-head, rice-eye, bolo head, nip. Haole-fied Japanese are called katonk or  banana (yellow on the outside, white on the inside). The largest homogeneous ethnicity block in Hawaii. Least likely race to date, marry or even socialize significantly with all the other races. Back in da school days, if you wanted to start a scrap with a jap, you said this:

What you said, Buddha-head? Eh, no lie, rice eye!

Jews: Haole. Since most Jews are fair skinned, we don't give them their own racial category. They're just haole.  And we don't really tell Jewish jokes here either. That's what Pake jokes are for. But that does remind me of the one Jewish joke I once heard at a party...told by a hapa-haole Jew (he was half Jewish, half Popolo, born and raised here):

Know how copper wire got invented? A Jew and a Pake were fighting over a penny.

Koreans: Yobo, Kim Chee, Kink (Korean chink), Seoul Brother (A Korean that acts black). Because Koreans were relatively late comers in terms of immigration compared to the other Oriental ethnicities, Korean jokes are not that popular, but there are a few. Yobo is the Korean word for sweetheart, but in Hawaii, it's used as a derogatory reference. Most korean jokes are puns off of the word.

Heard of da Korean police man? Yobocop! 

Samoans: Sole (So-lay). Due to their reputations as very large, strong and fierce fighters who are ready to scrap at the drop of a hat, there are no real derogatory terms for Samoans. Sole is what Samoans call themselves, and locals usually can use the term casually....but even using that word wrong with an easy to anger Samoan could prove volatile. Most Sole fall into two categories: 1) super nice, easy going, humorous, fun loving and gregarious. 2) Ultra violent, looking for trouble, very easy to anger and always ready to give Palagi and others a sase (strike)! Nevertheless, there are a large number of Samoan jokes that mostly focus on making fun of their speech. These jokes are usually only told in hushed whispers after checking around to make sure none are around to hear....

Heard of da Samoan Accoutant? Tua Tua Isa Foa!

Heard of da Samoan who fell off da couch? Sole Fe Lafa Sofa!

Portuguese: Portagee, Pordagee, Pocho, Porcho. Haoles often think they get the worst of the prejudice jokes in Hawaii. They're wrong. That would be the Pordagees. Infamous for being obnoxious by talking way too much, talking without thinking first, and considered the dimmest, least intelligent race. Take any Polak joke and substitute Pordagee and you have typical Hawaii pordagee jokes. Despite the joking reputation, Pordagees are usually quite sharp and witty, and many of the most popular comedians are proud Pordagees who tell the best-loved Pordagee jokes.

You heard why get no more ice in Portugal? Da old Pordagee lady with da recipe when die.

Know why da Pordagee farmer was feeding his sheep scrap metal? He was trying for raise steel wool.

As I said, their reputation is one of dim wits....but here's a Pordagee joke that belies the stereotype:

Know why Pordagee Jokes are so short? So Hawaiians can understand them.

A Pordagee guy told that one to me after I told him a Pordagee joke. Touche!

Kanaka, Kanaks, Kanaka Maoli. Oft stereotype is lazy, indolent; don't like to work. When the haole sugar plantation owners needed a workforce to farm their sugar, there were not enough Hawaiians to work because so many had died from introduced diseases like small pox, measles and STDs. And those that did survive, would still only work 'Hawaiian style." We can broke ass, but we goin' take one mid day break when da sun is hottest in da sky. The haole plantation owners didn't like that one bit, so they brought in all the other immigrants who would work from sun up to sun down with barely a break for minimal wages.

 Take any lazy jokes about blacks and substitute Hawaiian.

How come da Pakes no like marry Hawaiians? Dey no like kids too lazy for pick sugar cane.

How come da Buk Buks no like marry Hawaiians? Dey no like kids too lazy for pick pineapple.

How come da Popolos no like marry Hawaiians? Dey no like kids too lazy for steal.

'Aint diversity grand?


Grime Knight said...

As a lifelong resident here on the islands (and native hawaiian to boot), I say "preach it brother"! I miss those days growing up and telling those jokes that start with "So there's a Hawaiian guy, a Japanese guy, and a Portagee guy...". Now everyone, even local people who are MUCH older than me, are afraid of everything even hinting at race! It's bloody insane.

But that's what you get when you have a feminized society. Everything is personal, and we lose that natural masculine ribbing that builds camaraderie (among other things).

Keep up the good work man!

Conan the Cimmerian said...

Excellent post.

And here I was just thinking: Nobody listens to Turtle.

Average Married Dad said...

I enjoyed this post and liked learning more about your culture. I have a fair amount of Native American blood (my dad and Grandma are tribal elders) and my FIL (an old school man, not a racist per se, but doesn't let race go by the wayside when he calls a spade a spade) jokes about it in good humor. Stuff like "Don't have too much firewater [at Thanksgiving], I know how you people can get," he'll say with a smirk. I think shit like that is funny and then make fun of how old he is (I guess I am an Agist). Unlike my SIL who goes to battle with him as he stirs the pot on social topics (just to stir the pot). Keep up the local stories. Some really stick in my mind like the feral pig hunt.

Doggo said...

Is "Beat-up a Haole Day" a real thing in Hawaii?

Keoni Galt said...

Kill Haole Day...overrated boogie man mostly used to scare haole kids in public school. It was always designated as the last day of school, when locals with a grudge would wait until then so they wouldn't get into trouble since school was out for the summer.

In the 60's and 70's it was probably a little more serious...I heard stories of big beefs between locals and haoles...but by the time I was in school, is was more like "Eh haole, you bettah watchout, kill haole day is coming up!" Then nothing happened.

But it was always talked about way more than any actual fighting...at least when I was in school in the 80's.

Conan the Cimmerian said...

Not sure if this will work in comments.

There is no racial bigotry here:


tweell said...

The last time my ship was there we had a sailor get beat up because he happened to go to a beach on the North Shore that the locals claimed as theirs. That was... stupid, considering that the fleet was in. That beach became the Navy beach for the next two weeks. A policeman tried to move us off once, which got his department in a bit of trouble. Those local toughs didn't show, for some odd reason.

Eduardo the Magnificent said...

My gf and I were in Honolulu for a wedding just before Halloween, and we were put up at the Hale Koa. She kept telling all the locals we were at the Haole Koa, which made everyone bust their sides laughing. To her credit, though, she did manage to master the pronunciation of humuhumunukunukuapua’a, so that's something I guess.

Anonymous said...

But when are you going to stop calling me Barney?

JonM said...

I'll say this about the Samoans; it is tough to win them over, but once you do, they are some of the most loyal friends you'll ever have.

dienw said...

Interesting. The words "ethnic" from the Greeks, "gentile" from the Romans, and "goyim" from the Hebrews all mean the same thing; except the latter also includes the Northern Ten tribes as well.

Augustina said...

Your description of "Aloha Spirit" describes how us mainland haole act. We don't blow our horns in traffic, we pick up our fast food wrappers, hell, I even clean up under the table as best I can. It sounds very much like typical white bread manners. I wonder where you went in the mainland where people didn't act like that. It doesn't sound like whitebread suburbia.

Keoni Galt said...

@ Augistina -

The first time I saw fast food patrons leave their trash on the table was in San Francisco. I've also seen it all over the place - LA, San Diego, Las Vegas, Arizona, Baltimore, Philadelphia....

Then again, I all of these places I'm talking about are major Metro areas, so that may be the defining difference.

As for the traffic horns...I have yet to drive anywhere in the US where there is bumper to bumper traffic and people are not blowing their horns in frustration/anger. Driving in the Philly/New Jersey area was the worst.

Augustina said...

Keoni, all of those areas are blessed with "diversity" or die verse city. Around here, if we see someone who cuts people off in traffic or lays on their horn we just figure they're from New Yawk.

adamalan said...

Ya what you describe sounds very much like mid-western manners. Friendly, smiling, laid back, clean up after ourselves no honking even in standing traffic, polite and let you in. Quite different than the coasts.

Anonymous said...

Right there. I went from button up super Haole to opihi picking and net fishing. Those years change my life.

Anonymous said...

Preach it.

But don't you have Tongans as well? The Samoans and Tongans have only been fighting for 500 years... and 50 years in South Auckland pubs

In NZ.

Maori -- indigenous: Hori (Maori for George). Will work, but is cunning with it. My granddad learned how to fish from the Maori: use blasting caps. Also Kiwi outside NZ.

European (British) -- Pakeha (if a Kiwi ie native) Poms (if immigrant).

Australians -- Bastards. Aussies if you are being polite

French -- Frogs. No well raised Kiwi likes the Trench

Americans -- Septics (Aussie rhyming slang: Septic Tank is Yank is Yankee)

Chinese, Japanese, Korean -- not in NZ long enough (apart from Chinese, who were feared and hated -- had a classmate whos grandfather was lynched in the 1890s because he was chinese and my ex-wife had grandparetns who paid poll tax). Gnereally tight, hardworking, and respected and despised equally.

Dutch -- european Chinese

Bosnian -- Dallie (from Dalmatia) Tight figsted, run most of the wine industry.

Amd google Billy T James. Passed away, but he made a living telling jokes against Pakeha like me.

Conan the Cimmerian said...

Linked and reposted - Another Instant Classic by Keoni Galt


Victor F. Michaelson said...

I still laugh when I think of the "Pineapple Brother" crack. It smacks of better days when people had thicker skin.

This is a great post. I'm gonna show my wife the Andy Bumatai vid tonight. She'll love it. Her best employee and right hand is an Island woman.

Any chance you're on the Big Island?

PRCalDude said...

As a white native Californian who has visited Tahiti and Maui, the only other race I'd want to be other than the one I am is Polynesian (except Samoan):

High Arka said...

Er, if you want "open racism" like you say, are you cool with the white people taking all their cars and cell phones back, and leaving you with a grass hut and sandals?

Please return all fiberglass to the mainland also.

Keoni Galt said...

Hi, High Arka! Haole to you too!

Anonymous said...

What is the name of the greatest movie filmed in Hawaii?

Keoni Galt said...

North Shore

Anonymous said...

Exactly! This is why locals don't like most tourist or military because they have no respect for the island, the people or the culture. I'm Kanaka that was born and raised on the mainland and I constantly battle it when I go home how rude people are when they come to Hawai'i. Mahalo to you for your respect.

Dave Narby said...


You better be careful, if word of this gets around you're going to have a f!ckload more haoles!

If I ever make it out there I'm going to wear a red cap with HAOLE in white letters. Should be a conversation starter!