At 3:00 AM this morning, I abruptly awoke with my mind racing, staring at the ceiling, unable to fall back asleep. I could only think about all of the things I've learned and became aware of in the past decade.
I've been working my ass off for a couple of months now, and I had put in another 10 hour day yesterday, then went to the dojo and trained martial arts for a couple more. I had 3 beers for dinner, and sat down with a 4th for dessert as I logged on to do a little reading of teh interwebz before going to sleep in preparation for another day of hard work in the hot Hawaiian sun.
Sleep has been vital to keeping my energy up to handle my new life.
Yet here I am, unable to go back to sleep and get the rest I so badly need for the day ahead because I can't stop thinking about what I read last night, Dalrock's A case for anger.
I echo the question Dalrock asks of the people mystified by the so called "anger" problem of the manosphere:
I’ll pose the same question back to Ms. Duffy and the commenters who are troubled by the fact that people are angry with the gross injustice which is being done to men, children, and the very institution of marriage: Why don’t you care? Why aren’t you angry?
I've been angry for years. Sometimes it feels like the potential for unhinged rage. Mostly, it's kept subsumed and hidden, only to find expression when I hear the muse to write something again.
Much of the source of inspiration for 5 years of blogging here and writing for The Spearhead, In Mala Fide and commenting all over the manosphere is driven by this anger.
Anger at a system and a society that indoctrinates us all to believe that we live in the greatest civilization in the history of mankind because we are a society founded on freedom and justice...and yet you wake up one day and SEE quite plainly the destruction and havoc it wreaks on the personal lives of the people you know and love.
You bet the denizens that make up this thing we call the "manosphere" are angry.
To not feel anger at the current situation is inhuman.
I first discovered the MRA/MGTOW blogosphere years ago after I watched my Ex-Aunt desert her family, file for divorce, take my Uncle to the cleaners to cavort with a bad boy motorcycle thug. I literally saw the joy, happiness and vitality for life disappear from the faces of my younger cousins. I saw my Uncle left destitute, heart broken and alone.
Before my Ex-Aunt pulled the trigger and destroyed her family, I lived with them for about 3 months. During that time, my nephews and nieces were a pure joy to be around and play with. I used get awoken by laughing and giggling kids, little children waking me up from sleeping on their couch so they could play with me before heading off to school every morning. Those three months were some of the greatest memories of my young adult life for me. My little cousins would come home from school and give me drawings and paintings they had done in their art classes for me. They were such happy little kids.
I moved to the Mainland for a year to work construction. When I returned to attend college at the U of Hawaii, my Ex-Aunt had already filed for divorce and was in the process of taking my Uncle to the cleaners.
The happy little cousins who were in a perpetual state of playful cheerfulness and excitement at the wonders of life when I left Hawaii, had become broken, dour, sad and withdrawn kids when I came back. It was a fucking tragedy. They have since grown up and made families of their own as young adults. But they were forever changed and broken by the destruction of their home by their mother's selfish actions, aided, abetted and encouraged by a system designed specifically to profit off of this misery.
I could not comprehend how such an injustice could be inflicted by the State on a Father who did nothing wrong, how my Ex-Aunt got everything and she was the one who broke her marriage vows and broke up her home. After googling up no-fault divorce in a search for answers, my long journey of gaining understanding and awareness began.
Our divorce system is a fucking vampire designed to suck the very life out of Father's and little children whose homes get broken by it. You bet your ass I'm angered by it whenever I think about the toll of destruction it's wreaked on so many friends and family over the years.
The tragedy of my cousins and Uncle were the impetus for awakening to the reality of the system built to enslave us all and profit off of our shared misery. But that is by no means the only thing driving my anger.
Long time readers here are also familiar with the story of my high school buddy that killed himself after he could no longer deal with child support obligations that were about to make him homeless, and his ex had alienated his children from him and continually denied him visitation. He was broken by the system, and he killed himself when he could no longer take it.