Before I get into anything else here, I want to make something perfectly clear here: while the topic of this post inherently will be critical of some aspects of the MGTOW movement, I need to say that given the current state of affairs, I absolutely understand that MGTOW is a perfectly reasonable and logical response to the dangers men expose themselves to by getting involved in relationships with the typical Westernized female. In this regards, I completely concur with Stephen Baskerville's advice: Do Not Marry, Do Not Have Children
Marriage is a foundation of civilized life. No advanced civilization has ever existed without the married, two-parent family. Those who argue that our civilization needs healthy marriages to survive are not exaggerating.
And yet I cannot, in good conscience, urge young men to marry today. For many men (and some women), marriage has become nothing less than a one-way ticket to jail. Even the New York Times has reported on how easily the divorce court leads to a jail cell, mostly for men. In fact, if I have one urgent piece of practical advice for young men today it is this: Do not marry and do not have children.
Men Going Their Own Way is in fact simply putting this advice and turning it into a credo. I cannot criticize or fault any man in our current society from taking that path.
However, I must say that I've read plenty of MGTOW bloggers and posters on the various "don't get married" type message boards, and I do think that to some degree, there are a lot of people out there for which MGTOW is not really a conscious decision to avoid getting trapped in the current system...but really an excuse or justification for not being able to have any kind of romantic relationship success with females, period.
This is where I think some of you MGTOW acolytes may want to assess exactly why you are taking the path you are choosing.
As Pook once wrote,
I think it is becoming clear that marriage and children is a natural longing in not just women but men as well. Nature did not intend gender avoidance. I believe generally everyone is repelled by the negative pessimistic tone found on MGTOW. However, people return consistently for a dose of the poison to ease the existential pain (caused by the natural longing of wife and children which is found in every culture and time). Once convinced by the rantings that women are more painful than pleasurable, the male goes off semi-satisfied. But, alas, the natural longing creeps up again causing the male to return.
The biggest reason men I see MGTOW-types cite for avoiding marriage is the very real possibility of the typical American female cashing out once she captures her provider with children so she can have a steady income of alimony and child support.
This is unfortunately a very real possibility - but there is another aspect of this scenario that is usually not mentioned...unless you married a gold digger who's sole intent was to trick you into becoming her wage slave, there are plenty of instances where the man has played a significant role in the demise of his marriage and his subsequent injustices he suffers at the hands of the divorce industry.
We MRA often criticize feminists for avoiding responsibility and blaming everything on men...well, I have to say that in some cases, I see the mirror image in some MGTOW rants and diatribes.
This is why I'm writing this post...because the other side to the MGTOW coin is the PUA....or the Pick Up Artist.
PUA's are well aware of the current misandry and injustice of the system, and have decided that women are simply nothing more than to be used for sexual sport. However, in terms of why I've added a few PUA websites to my blogroll (Roissy in D.C., Roosh V, and The Reality Method,) is because they offer some very keen insights into male/female relational dynamics.
See, as those of you that have been reading my blog for awhile now already know, I was married long before I discovered the MRA blogosphere or became awakened to the realities that our society has become a feminized Matriarchy.
And I had a contentious marriage for a long time, because I thought that following the cultural cues that urge men to "get in touch with their feminine side" and "put her on a pedestal and worship her as a goddess" was the key to making her happy...completely unaware that it was actually a recipe for disaster.
Women raised in our culture don't even know that 95% of them suffer from the cognitive dissonance created by the feminist indoctrination of equality for which they've internalized and consciously adhere to clashing with their biological instincts for hypergamy - to value dominant traits in their prospective mates.
This is EXACTLY why so many MGTOW types are bitter that they're "nice guys" while the ladies they were attracted to and wanted to pursue all went out with the "bad boys" and thugs, and told them "Let's Just Be Friends."
This is how my marriage fell into trouble over the course of several years. I basically became a spineless "beta" that handed my wife my balls and she was very unhappy with me for it. She couldn't respect me and she was falling out of attraction with me. When a women you are married to or involved with no longer finds you attractive - because you do not display adequate traits of dominance - that's when your relationship begins to have 'problems' and she begins to nitpick and employ passive-aggressive conflicts that make your life a living hell...and usually ends up ending the relationship if it goes on for too long.
And the typical man's response when he knows the relationship is going wrong is to escalate the very behaviors that are turning off her attraction for you in the first place! Buy her gifts, take her on vacations, spoil her like a princess, beg her to stay with you...these are all traits that turn off her biological cues of attraction!
Of COURSE, this does not mean a selfish woman is justified in destroying her family by divorcing her husband, and turning into the ex-wife from hell...but I say to you, that a man that makes himself knowledgeable about the biological imperatives that drive women's attraction are far less likely to end up as another ex-husband chained into peonage, because you CAN learn how to keep your long term woman continually attracted to you.
This is why I say the PUA offer some very valuable insights. By reading and studying and than applying the "GAME" techniques the PUA advocate on my own wife, I found that my marriage transformed dramatically. In short, the "GAME" that they advocate men learn so they can score sex is nothing more than understanding what makes women attracted to men on a visceral, instinctual level, and how to interact with them to make them LUST you. You can use "game" to become a player and seek out casual sex...but you can also use it to make your long term relationship thrive. I speak from personal experience.
Because whether you're married, living with a woman, or just dating, once a woman falls out of LUST with you, she falls out of LOVE. Women won't or don't admit it to themselves, but this I tell you is TRUTH.
So if you are a man and you happen to be reading this, and you are in a relationship with a woman, I urge you to do some research on the PUA websites and you may look on your own relationship dynamics and see if perhaps understanding these things can help you succeed.
For me, the biggest help was the following: What is a Shit Test?
Once I understood just what is a shit test, this was the BIGGEST help to my relationship. Hope it can help you like it did for me.
PS - I've dropped a few comments under the name "Dave in Hawaii" over at Roissy's blog. There's been some interesting debates going on when Roissy's post It's Easy to Identify a Slut was linked to by Jezebel.com and the useful idiot feminuts invaded his comment section. Some entertaining reading!