Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Jennifer Aniston: Another Feminist Poster-Girl


I must admit it...I often visit this website called: The Superficial - Because You're Ugly to indulge in a bit of celeb-u-tard schaudenfraude.

This latest bit comes from the recent announcement that the former Mrs. Brad Pitt, "Friends" sitcom star Jennifer Aniston, has re-united with a former boyfriend, John Mayer...but under the condition that they get married and start popping out children.

This is hilarious.

For those that don't keep up with the ongoing lives of Hollywood Babylon, this is the basic timeline on the drama of Ms. Aniston's life. (oh and by the way, this is based PURELY on my recollections of the story coming from the tabloid headlines I read every time I'm in line at the grocery store, as well as the occasional tidbits from the Superficial - lest any of you think I would actually make a concerted effort to follow the lives of celebrities like a typical American female...).

- In the early 90's, Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt were married for 5 years and were Hollywood's most attractive couple. Millions of American females envy Jennifer, as Pitt was widely considered the most attractive man in America for a number of years.

- Brad wanted to start having children, but Jennifer was in the midst of climbing her career ladder, as her sitcom show "Friends" was becoming a huge ratings success. Her and all her co-stars had re-negotiated their contracts making them all very well paid millionaires. Jen did not want to have children because it would inhibit her career track.

- Brad Pitt leaves her for Angelina Jolie. They subsequently start having children in addition to adopting orphaned third world kids from all over the world, creating a pretty big family...especially for modern Hollywood standards.

- Jennifer suffers emotional breakdowns and issues public denials and regrets about Brad leaving her for a younger, hotter, more fertile woman...saying she always wanted to have kids with him, etc.

- Jennifer goes through a string of high profile romances with various celebrities, including the aforementioned John Mayer.

- After a number of flings, and now reaching the age of 39...NOW she's ready to settle down and 'start' a family. John Mayer expresses interest in re-uniting with her, but she will only do so under the conditions that they get married and start having kids.

Can you say BABY RABIES?

It's a good thing she's wealthy TV and movie star, because fertility clinic treatments are quite expensive...

5 comments:

Elusive Wapiti said...

"It's a good thing she's wealthy TV and movie star, because fertility clinic treatments are quite expensive... "

No to mention risky for the fetuses.

This is an example of what is wrong with American culture today, and why Western Civ is dying. We don't reproduce because women are waiting to have their children after their careers have hit apogee.

Elbabe said...

I found this page doing homework. Just wanted to let you know: It's hilarious! Keep up the good work.

Uncharted Thoughts said...

Feminism is a sign of stupidity.
I think its a good thing, it weeds out the dumbies for us.

Anyone who would spend there time thinking they are better than 50% of the population is beyond help.

They'll hit 40, alone, no kids, get breast cancer and die, alone. So sad too bad modern career women.

This is what happens when we stray from natures design.

Keep up the good work HL.

-Exploited

Anonymous said...

I hope she goes ahead and squirt out a Down's/retarded kid. Let her baby rabies bite her in the ass. At her age, chances are, she will.

Pity the man who accedes to her selfish demands. No man should give sperm to expired hags. Don't even donate your sperm.

Anonymous said...

Yes isn't it hilarious that Jennifer Anniston who was married to one of the most handsome and genetically gifted Men on the planet, blew him off. And put her career first. She is nothing special as Actresses go.

He desperately wanted children and a Family. Along comes Angelina Jolie, Billy Bob Thornton's cast off, ex Wife. Who wants children. She latches onto Pitt. And is now popping out babies left and right.

She is now saying she wants to get Married, quit acting and raise their Tribe. Jolie is an idiot. Her looks are declining, her market value is declining.

Typical Ameriskank who cannot handle reality.

Khankrumthebulgar