Tuesday, April 28, 2015

It's For the Children!




In my last post, I did anticipate the usual denunciations of the institution of marriage 2.0 by the usual suspects out in these fringes of teh Interwebz, after I posted the following:

"I have written it over and over again in the past on this blog...that I do not recommend marriage to today's youth.

I come now to conditionally recant and retract that sentiment. I see thing's differently with a little bit older and I like to think wiser eyes...

Telling people not to marry and have kids because of how messed up the system is, merely contributes further to the degradation and decline of our society and culture. I now say, take the risk, and go for it."

After years of stating in both blog posts and commentary here and elsewhere, some may be wondering why the change of heart? For that, I must reiterate another statement I made in my last post:

"As a father and family man myself, the joy of having and raising children is unmatched by any other experience I've had in this life."

It's absolutely true. How can I continue to advocate avoiding marriage and family formation to others, while realizing the greatest joy and fulfillment I've experienced in my own life has been raising my own progeny?

Why would I try and steer you away from possibly experiencing the same?

Then again, my experiences with parenthood are different than a lot of other folks. I am not stuck in a daily grind of the nine-to-five rat race as a human resource in a corporate cubicle farm.

I am not dropping the kids off at school and then letting them go to after-school daycare, only to see them for a few hours in the evening before repeating the cycle all over again the next day, dropping them off at my neighborhood institutional indoctrination facility again, while I head off to work, only to spend any meaningful quality time with them on the weekends. I understand the full ramifications of opportunity costs when it comes to raising children in today's Brave New World Order.

I have deliberately scaled back on my material standard of consumption, so as to maximize the amount of quality time I have with my offspring. I don't have a nice car (mechanically sound and runs well though), the best clothes, nor a fancy house. But I've got a little bit of freedom to indulge my time how I best see fit. I wouldn't have it any other way. (Well, I'd be a liar if I didn't admit that it would be nice to hit the lottery or something.) Now I may work a sixty hour work week, but that is usually followed by ten days off or so. Those ten days of freedom to spend with my progeny are priceless. Money cannot buy the meaningful time I've spent with my family.


Anyhow, as more than a few folks have pointed out, one does not need to get married to have children. But I say the children need their parents marriage most. All children do best when raised in a home with a Father and a Mother in a functional marriage, living in a symbiotic existence in which all family members thrive. That is what is best for the children, period.


So if you are going to have them, and you want to experience the joys of parenthood to the fullest extent possible, than you should do what's best for them.

If you're worried about the Judicial - Divorce Industrial Complex...well, child support will be awarded to a custodial parent whether you get married or not. Child support judgements and the decision of what is to be done with the majority of assets are usually decided in the "best interest of the children," well, if you want to have kids, than you may as well go all the way and get married before you procreate.

Besides, I never said YOU (yes YOU specifically!) have to get married and pop out children. If you are one of those who never wants to have children, then I say to you, DON'T GET MARRIED. If not for the sake of having children,  there's no other reason to do it. At least no other sane reason.


Of course, if you do decide to follow through and take part in creating the next generation...you also owe it to your children to carefully vet your potential spouse and not let simple attraction (infatuation and lust) lead you to making the biggest mistake you could ever make in your life. Rest assured, picking a spouse and future parent of your future offspring will be the single most important decision you ever make.

Out in these fringes of teh Interwebz, we have a number of men who are married and are raising children, and they have often offered their views and advice on how to navigate the very dangerous waters of today's Marriage 2.0. Dalrock, Rollo, Athol, Cane, Vox, deti...there plenty of family men who have doled out their perspectives and advice based on their experiences and the clarity of "red pill" thinking and insights on marriage and raising a family in today's Brave New World Order.

It's not as if I'm trying to send you to stumble through a minefield without so much as a map....


If you say it's like hunting unicorns trying to find a worthy spouse...well folks, the best things in life are never easily attained. There's no such thing as a risk free life. All choices you make, involve risks and dangers. The only thing I would say is this: marriage in today's climate is a tremendous personal risk...but not impossible to succeed at. Your best bet would be to approach it with eyes wide open and understand all of the possible risks and pitfalls that can occur. But you see a possible path through the hazards, than if you really want it bad enough, you must venture forth without fear and take the dangerous task head on.

You want to have children? Than you owe it to them to do your best to give them what they need most - a home with a Father and a Mother.

Civilization is built on the foundation of  functional homes and intact families. We are no doubt living through a rapidly declining age...but it is those who create strong communal bonds and family ties who will be much better prepared to live through the coming times than those who have no families.

14 comments:

Average Married Dad said...

We may have different lifestyles but our priorities are the same. Our map is the same, and we both stumbled upon it after the fact. Raising kids with a solid, leader led marriage indisputably is better than the fem-dominated, pussy man (or worst yet single mom) led parenting so prevalent today. Or with dads that check out with work, or are otherwise mentally absent. My boss, who I like a lot, is reaping his harvest as an absentee father, with two nearly adult boys who are directionless, with no activities or real interests, and at least one will end up in jail (already spent some time). Getting your marriage right is the foundation for great kids. Nature still plays a big role, but the chances of success increase exponentially with a solid red pill marriage. At least according to this guy.

Oh, and being a dad is amazing, as Keoni attests, but it takes a shit load of effort. Dad-daughter dances. Guy's camping weekend. How to start a fire, or shoot a basketball, or throw a punch or judo or BJJ teachings. or the quiet moments where nothing and everything happens. A bond with your blood. Undeniable.

Keoni Galt said...

Oh, and being a dad is amazing, as Keoni attests, but it takes a shit load of effort.

Yes, but then anything worth doing that reaps substantial benefits, requires a shit load of effort!

Good comment, AMD...thanks.

Gruesome said...

This is going to get a lot of people riled up.

I told Reality Doug the other day: these types of posts bring forth a string of philosophical arguments that dilute almost all benefits of the advice.

You always have this "eyes wide open" statement that gets bandied about everywhere like it's some kind of magic key with no concrete actionable steps.

It's all good to select your wife carefully, but truth is you can't lock her down unless she has a stronger incentive to adhere to family values than to fall into the you-go-grrl temptations. Such an incentive as a strict religious belief that acts as a strong shield against ill influences from society, for example. That's usually out of your control as a man unless you are fortunate to be responsible for her religious conversion starting from the very first interaction.

The day-to-day married living is a battle of wills these days and there's no way to win without a favorable combination of power (in form of an edge to commit violence or punishment unimpeded by the state, for instance), influence (what most call 'game', but which very much depends on her susceptibility) and authority (leadership which the society accords you as the man through the culture and law).

So -- PRACTICALLY! -- what this means is: Step 1. Don't marry anyone who does not believe religiously that you as the man are boss. Don't even date them from the outset. 2. Don't marry her if you don't control her purse strings. Marry her only if she agrees to quit her job (before the wedding), stay home, bear children and run the house. This also means don't marry her unless you are willing and able to go 100% flat out as the bread winner. 3. Don't marry her if she has serious inhibitions about child birth or family size. 4. Don't marry her if you are not comfortable with her close relatives and friends. Especially if you hate having them around the house, or if she won't respect your need for space and privacy. 5. Marry her only if she's smart enough to homeschool your children. 6. Marry her only if she's the kind of person who respects your opinion and decisions. Don't marry her if you expect her to disagree with you on fundamental things such as above. Like if she identifies at all with any feminist ideals. 7. Don't marry her if you don't have crash protection and airbags. That means getting your attorney to bulletproof any property you own prior to the wedding and any future earnings after a divorce. If you can't get a fair shake in court concerning the custody and maintenance of your children, move to another state or country -- and naturally, she must be accepting of the logic of moving before you say your vows.

Well, no one said this was going to be easy as pie.

Rmaxgenactivepua said...

One of the biggest scams the christian church, as Keoni's done for the last couple of posts…

Is to imply there arent multiple ways of raising children, theres plenty of solid ways of raising which avoids marriage through christians

You have everything from surrogacy, which is a bonus as you avoid subjecting your children to the batshit derangement of women

Then you have polygamy, which is a hundreds of times superior for raising robust large families

Also one of the major drawbacks of christian marriage is that it only benefits a womans preferred form of reproduction, monogamy

Also monogamy is guaranteed to turn your children into raging manginas, as the husband is forced to suppressed his biological imperative to impregnate multiple women

Christians expect men to suppress their biological imperative, while hoping their penis doesnt fall off from erectile dysfunction, having to sleep with a barren 40-50 woman

Then again the entire christian religion is designed to benefit women & women only…

Mrs. Lastname said...

60 million married couples. About 25 million divorced people, of whom about 10-15% have child support and/or alimony orders. Total population of 310 million, about 200 million of which are adults more or less.

Some perspective is in order. Out of all the divorced people, only about 2-4 million (exact numbers are hard to come by, but that's the range) are getting cash and prizes. So at worst 1/6 divorces leads to cash and prizes under the current regime.

Bob Wallace said...

When anyone speaks of "cash and prizes" I quit listening. They don't know what they are talking about. That's based on a lot of personal experience.

Mrs. Lastname said...

I just posted because there's a meme that divorce is profitable (aka "cash and prizes") for most women in a divorce. The data, such as it is, doesn't appear to reflect that. For a small percentage of divorces, it's possible to have a stream of income in the form of child support and/or alimony, and I was surprised at just how uncommon it is given the way the family court system works once you get there (high percentage of favoring the mother for custody and receipt of any child support or alimony). Relatively few divorces with children get to family court though, far fewer than one would expect. IOW there is an overstatement of the "frivorce" risk.

Cane Caldo said...

Keoni! Diggin' these posts!

"I have deliberately scaled back on my material standard of consumption, so as to maximize the amount of quality time I have with my offspring. I don't have a nice car (mechanically sound and runs well though), the best clothes, nor a fancy house. But I've got a little bit of freedom to indulge my time how I best see fit. I wouldn't have it any other way. (Well, I'd be a liar if I didn't admit that it would be nice to hit the lottery or something.) Now I may work a sixty hour work week, but that is usually followed by ten days off or so. Those ten days of freedom to spend with my progeny are priceless. Money cannot buy the meaningful time I've spent with my family."

This is so, so, so key.

Cane Caldo said...

@Mrs. Lastname

How many online names do you have, TPC?

"60 million married couples. About 25 million divorced people, of whom about 10-15% have child support and/or alimony orders. Total population of 310 million, about 200 million of which are adults more or less.

Some perspective is in order. Out of all the divorced people, only about 2-4 million (exact numbers are hard to come by, but that's the range) are getting cash and prizes. So at worst 1/6 divorces leads to cash and prizes under the current regime."


Some perspective could also be had by looking at which divorces still have children in the home. Check yo'self because the only solid case you have made is that divorce isn't a financial drain for everyone and forever. Not a great argument for marriage, or against the idea that women who divorce are counting on custody and financial support.

"I just posted because there's a meme that divorce is profitable (aka "cash and prizes") for most women in a divorce."

That's not an accurate assessment of the meme, or of the witnessed behavior that supports the meme.

It is true that former wives with children do count on the state extracting payment from their former husbands.

Keoni Galt said...

One of the biggest scams the christian church, as Keoni's done for the last couple of posts…

So you're saying I'm trying to scam the readers of this here blog by writing the things I write?

Is to imply there arent multiple ways of raising children, theres plenty of solid ways of raising which avoids marriage through christians

I write about THE BEST way to raise children...not the ONLY way.

You have everything from surrogacy, which is a bonus as you avoid subjecting your children to the batshit derangement of women

NAWALT lozlzolzolzol

Then you have polygamy, which is a hundreds of times superior for raising robust large families

So wait...surrogacy is great because you avoid subjecting the kids to the batshit derangement of a woman...but marrying multiple women to have large families with is not subjecting all those children to a multitude of batshit deranged women is better?

Thanks for you comments, rmax. I'll respond to the rest of your diatribe here in another post...

Robert What? said...

Good for you man. Glad to hear you are happy. The years with the young kids are deliscous. However many young men go into marriage with a totally unrealistic expectation of what they are going to get out of it and get totally blindsided. "Game" is even more important in married life than it is in single life.

Jim said...

"I come now to conditionally recant and retract that sentiment. I see thing's differently with a little bit older and I like to think wiser eyes..."

Sorry. You're not wiser. You're an idiot. Just because a few men got lucky doesn't make it the right decision.

If you play Russian Roulette (1 bullet in chamber out of six) you have a 16.7% chance of blowing your had off. Marriage? Hmmm. 50%. 3 bullets in the chamber out of 6. No thanks. And that 50% figure is after the first 10 years of marriage. After 10 years it's even higher!

Again. No thank you.

""I just posted because there's a meme that divorce is profitable (aka "cash and prizes") for most women in a divorce.""

That's because it is you idiot. Whaere have you been living? Mars?

meistergedanken said...

Good to see some of the Spearhead content is not totally lost. I had a couple articles there myself. That was a pretty cool place to be for a while (before Price decided the effort was no longer worth it) - I remember a lot of those commenters and wistfully wonder where they all are these days.

Most of the manosphere sites I read are now defunct, unfortunately.

Anonymous said...

"the joy of having and raising children is unmatched by any other experience I've had in this life."

Keoni, I agree with you. I can't imagine what my life would look like without my children.

By the way, I borrowed your symbiosis/parasite example to teach my own kids (all young) about the importance of giving into the family instead of just taking out. It was a helpful analogy. They seem to have gotten it.

Press On.

8 in the Gate