In his latest post, The Housewife Paradigm, OneSTDV writes:
So the vast majority of women leave the home to do what: fetch coffee, take phone messages, babysit, and complain. Or, they could tend to the needs of someone they truly love instead of their irascible boss. They could prepare a nice home, pristine and comfy for their husbands and family. They can be present when their children arrive home from school, for emotional support, advice, homework help, and general supervision. They can spend many of their days socializing with other neighborhood housewives, fostering communal bonds amongst nearby families who ultimately become close friends.
Instead, we encourage women to slave away in a cubicle, convincing them that such empty work offers them satisfaction not available with her own husband and children.
Why of course...with her own paycheck, she can than participate in the official religion of USA Inc...worshiping at the alter of materialistic-based consumerism! What about all the shoes and handbags that could be bought with the extra income! Surely we must not deny women the opportunity for such fulfillment as a well stocked, walk-in closet!
But some anonymous female commenters on his thread raise some interesting points:
As a talented female academic, I disagree with you. I have no desire to "return to the kitchen." I don't think you will get women to subscribe to your idea in large numbers. And if you, as a society, don't keep your women happy, you won't be happy either.
Now just what is a "talented academic?" A womynz studies lecturer with tenure? And if society is supposed to keep our women happy, it sure seems like the current paradigm of encouraging all women to get educations and careers instead of getting married and raising children as housewives has failed spectacularly in that regard...
Never fear though...there are still a number of ladies who believe that despite the widespread decline in female happiness in the past 40 years, they've managed to HAVE IT ALL!
Take a look at another female commenter on OneSTDV's article:, jz wrote:
We tell women the conventional wisdom, "you can't have it all." In fact, some women (myself) have had it all: flourishing children, challenging work, stunning income, and a fun husband.
There are so many meme's and shibboleths that manifest in such a short statement...
First of all: "We tell women the conventional wisdom, "you can't have it all."
Oh dear. In what part of the world does jz live in? The idea that women CAN HAVE IT ALL is one of the most popular memes to permeate our feminist-driven mass media culture for close to 50 years now! Most women don't hear that message "you can't have it all!" and when someone tries to point it out, they usually respond like jz here: "In fact, some women (myself) have had it all!"
Why is such beliefs not surprising at all?
But let's look closer at how jz defines HAVING IT ALL:
"...flourishing children, challenging work, stunning income, and a fun husband."
No doubt this is based on her kids getting good grades in our dumbed-down education system. She might even go the extra step here and have them enrolled in all sorts of extra-curricular activities like organized team sports or music lessons. Her kids may in fact be "flourishing." But how would she know, since she's not around while they're flourishing? She's at her career, HAVING IT ALL. I guess there's dinnertime conversation...if there not like most modern day families eating their dinner in front of the television, perhaps they do talk about the days endeavors in school.
Now one cannot deny that in fact "challenging work" can certainly be rewarding...but I would point out the implications of such a statement in the context of a woman declaring that she HAS IT ALL. By describing her career work in those terms, she is also implying that a stay at home housewife's work is NOT challenging...that raising children is not as challenging - which also implies that it is not as rewarding.
But don't worry! They're getting good grades! They're on the local championship soccer team! The kidz are FLOURISHING!!!!
Which probably means jz and her "fun husband" most likely outsource much of the domestic tasks and chores necessary to keep a house clean and functioning. Gardener, maid, nannies....STUNNING I tell you!
Here's one thing women like jz fail to understand until it is too late...
There is only so much time in a single day. You can only do so much with that time.
You cannot "HAVE IT ALL" because most of your time, effort, energy and attention is focused on your 'challenging work.' If it didn't require all of that, it wouldn't be challenging.
Therefore, time spent on the career, means time NOT spent in actually raising your children. You let the schools and after-school organized sports or lessons handle most of the "challenging work" in that department for you.
You may not realize it now, because your kids are "flourishing" and you get to brag to your work peers that your kids got great grades...
...but just how much of a part of their lives are you really?
Maybe one day, when you are at home and retired, enjoying your stunning income...and you realize that your kids are flourishing in their own careers, and the only time they call or visit you is when they HAVE to (like your Birthday or the Holidays), and you'll realize that you don't really know them as people (but your nanny who actually raised them does!) you'll discover that you in fact did not HAVE IT ALL.