Why do you have to be so upset all the time?
What should I do? What would you like me to do?
Would you like to do this? How about that?
What do you mean you can't do this anymore?
What do you mean you're unhappy? How can I make you happy?
Can I call you tomorrow?
Would you like to have sex tonight? Why not? PLEASE?!?!
Girls night out? I hope you have fun with the girls then!
I'm so sorry!
If it will make you happy, than I'll do it.
But I had plans! I made you a nice dinner, and picked up a good bottle of wine and I rented that movie you wanted to see and...... ah well, that's okay. Don't worry about it. You go out and have fun, I'll just save the food in the fridge and reheat it for you tomorrow. Don't worry about, it's not a big deal...I understand the sale ends tomorrow and you and your friends need to take advantage of it while it's so cheap. Have fun, and know that I'll be thinking of you while you girls are shopping! Love you!
Would you like this one, or would you like that one?
Will you accept my apology?
If you don't like it, I have the receipt so that you can return it and get something you do like!
Would you like to hear this song your beauty inspired me to write for you?
I'll make it up to you...I PROMISE!
What do you think about this? Is it good? Do you like it? Maybe you'll like it better if did this instead?
What should we do today?
How come you never want to have sex anymore?
Why won't you accept my apology?
Wow, he's such a jerk! Why do your friends always go out with guys like that?
Should we go to counseling?
Can I go fishing with Dave this weekend? PLEASE?!?!
Would you like me to hold your purse for you?
Will you make love to me?
Sure I'll get your tampons for you....which brand do you prefer? Absorbent or Super-Absorbent? Do you need any pads, too?
Where do you want to go? What would you like to eat?
OF COURSE you don't look fat in those jeans!
I feel like we need to work on our communication skills. I feel like we don't have meaningful conversations anymore, and I really want us to become more intimate.
Would it be okay if I go surfing with Joe tomorrow? I'll be back in time so we can do something...
NO, I was NOT looking at her!
Okay, I'll sell it or give it away...I don't really need it.
Anything you want...I'll do it!
What do you mean I always lie? I do NOT!
Do you love me as much as I love you?
Would you like to hear this poem I wrote for you?
Steve is having his bachelor party this weekend. Don't worry though, I'm not going, as there will be strippers there and I know how you don't want me to be around things like that. Don't worry, it's okay, he'll understand. Yeah, we've been friends since elementary school, but he knows how important our relationship is and that I would never disrespect you like that!
You are the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth!
How can we make our relationship better?
Can you please kiss me?
Do you need help with that?
Yes, it's my fault...again. I'm sorry.
Would you like me to....
Hey....I said I'm sorry!
Please don't hang up on me....hello? HELLO?!?!?
Oh the painful recollections of my former self and how I lived a life walking on eggshells and fearful dishonesty.
I was just trying to be the Nice Guy. The archetype of the supposed type of guy women say they want.
Trying to do and be all the things a man is supposed to, to make the relationship work. Being sensitive to her needs. Striving to please her, and make sure to avoid upsetting her as much as possible.
Checking with her on everything.
Constantly asking for reassurance that she was happy. Constantly asking for her approval.
Making sure I was trying not to do anything that would upset her. This included telling a lot of "white" lies to try and avoid upsetting her. Striving to be supportive.
To let her needs, wants and desires supersede my own at every potential conflict.
This is precisely how guys slide into attraction killing "Beta-tude." How they regress in a relationship that started out hot and heavy, and end up sexless and constantly in conflict. As Rollo relates in his latest post on his own experience in his first serious relationship as a young man:
I was sitting in her dorm room wondering just what the hell had happened to the sexualized, happy, and indifferent Alpha junior-rockstar I had been just a few years prior. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I’d gone from idealistic teenager, to organic Alpha, to a defeated, needy beta on a dangerously close slide into omega-tude.
This is what happens when men get into a relationship and they slide into a mindset in which they are afraid of the female's emotional moods. Afraid of her disapproval, and having no confidence in anything they do in trying to please her or have a relationship with her. When men fall into this relationship dynamic, she WILL lose attraction for you.
This post was inspired in part by an exchange between van Rooinek and Doomed Harlot over at Dalrock's:
Doomed Harlot: I guess I just don’t understand the “nice guy” mindset here…. I have never understood the attitude that being nice entitles you to something from women.
van Rooinek: That attitude does not exist And the fact that you would pose this question, tells me that you have NO understanding whatsoever, as to what is going on here. So let me explain it to you simply.
It is not about unattractive guys assuming that niceness can overcome lack of attraction.
(That’s projection — only women…, rather, a subset of women… believe that. NO men do.)
It is not about “entitlement”. (That may be an aspect of female projection too…?)
This is about normal guys who have a lot going for them, physically, educationally, careerwise, etc, and who have (on the advice of parents, church, female “friends”, etc), treated women with kindness, respect, and consideration….. and are rejected BECAUSE OF that kindness, respect, and consideration!
van Rooinek's background as he's related over the course of many comments at Dalrock's is interesting. As a serious Christian man who wanted to get married and have children, he found it next to impossible to date the ladies in his Church, and remained a virgin until he finally got married at the age of 38. He blames it partially on all these ladies constantly rejecting him as a nice guy, while going after bad boys, thugs and jerks.
Unlike Rollo's experience, where he was Alpha in the beginning of the relationship and then found himself having slumped into deference and fallen into her persistent contempt, it looks like van Rooinek was in deference and approval seeking mode right out of the gate with every girl he tried to date.
Later in their debate, Doomed Harlot finally seems to understand the point van Rooinek was trying to make:
But I will say that women want RELATIONSHIPS. I’ve dated a few “nice guys” and many of them seem to think that the key to a woman’s heart is constant deference. In reality, I would rather have a man joke around with me, or tell me if he thinks I’m wrong about something, than squelch his real personality in order to try to ingratiate himself. I’m not saying that’s what you were doing, but I’ve seen it. Sometimes things like “chivalry” for example, can get in the way of a man actually relating to a woman.
This is precisely it. What womyn like Doomed Harlot fail to comprehend is this: where do guys get this idea from? Where does this template of how relationships are "supposed" to work like, come from? Why do guys fall into this pattern of supplication and deference when their relationship did not start out that way?
In short, the blue pill.
This is the projection of a false reality reinforced over and over again in men's minds by our mass media driven, socially engineered, gynocentric culture. We are programmed to avoid becoming the stereotype of the ridiculously macho man. The archetype of the "insecure male trying to compensate for having a small dick." We are programmed to "get in touch with our feelings" and avoid being the insensitive Neanderthal brute. The last thing we want to be, we are told, is A TYPICAL MALE.
This is where the "nice guy" comes from.
In the case of a guy like van Rooinek, secular society's 'nice guy' meme's are doubly reinforced by a feminist subverted Christianity (aka Churchianity,) that focuses on male sexuality as sinful and debased, while holding up women as the moral arbiters of sexual purity and spiritual superiority. van Rooinek was not just a nice guy, he was a Christian nice guy...a double dose of deference to the female imperative. No wonder so many young men no longer attend church regularly across the Western world.
This is also why many Men don't find relationship success unless they discover the game-changer that is the red pill, especially Christian men.