Anonymous commenter on my last post wrote the following:
Game has a place in marriages and perhaps its most salient contribution is the realization that one must constantly romance their wife.
But like all things, game is not 100 percent effective and many comments on game blogs veer into victim blaming.
I disagree...game is 100% effective - if you understand that the goals of understanding and applying it are not dependent on achieving arbitrary and artificially measured achievements like notch counts or same day lays...or trying to "constantly romance your wife."
Now...before I go into this, it is important to note that I am certainly taking this quote out of context.
In the context of the rest of "his" post (I suspect it's a he based on the words he used), I agree with most of what anonymous wrote:
It's one thing to talk about acting alpha and "controlling the frame" and its another to expect men in long-term marriages, esp. those involving children NOT to be devastated by divorce, and to immediately be able to play the role of care-free and happy bachelor. Men do bond you know.
So of course there's many things men can do to improve their marriages, make divorce less likely, and if divorced get back up and on his feet as much as possible -provided of course he doesn't end up in jail for the crime of being impoverished by the divorce or allegedly hurting his kids.
But women are people too, and are not just bundles of instincts. How many women are behaving in marriages and long term relationships these days is disgraceful by any metric and I don't fool myself that game by itself is more than an individual pallative.
I don't disagree with most of this...but the last sentence is key.
I don't fool myself that game by itself is more than an individual pallative.
Game, in it's very essence, is the penultimate individual palliative.
That was the entire point I was trying to get at in my Game is the Red Pill post.
It is not the means to an end...but rather the end unto itself.
It's about opening your eyes to discerning the truth and recognizing all of the distortions, misdirections and behavioral programming inculcated by our mass media culture. Programming that is broadcast to deliberately emasculate men and butch-up women.
It is a paradigm shift in the way you view yourself, your personality, and understanding the underlying biological motivations for the way in which people behave.
its another to expect men in long-term marriages, esp. those involving children NOT to be devastated by divorce, and to immediately be able to play the role of care-free and happy bachelor.
Of course Anonymous, of course! The point of understanding the underlying principles of Game though, is not to "immediately be able to play the role of care-free and happy bachelor," but to understand your own behavior and how it affects and effects your relationships with other people. It offers the insights to effectively reflect on your situation and where it is you that you may have went wrong...and how to avoid falling into the same mistakes again in the future.
IMHO, Game is about BECOMING.
Becoming a man who is self-defined, confident, assertive, direct and most of all honest.
Becoming a man who doesn't look for female approval for personal validation...but rather becomes the sort of person for which females work to seek YOUR approval.
THIS IS YOUR FRAME. You control it by not allowing interactions with others to make you lose your frame.
If you take the effort to study and understand this theory we call "Game," you will gain an overall framework for understanding most aspects of social human behavior.
That is why I say it is 100% effective, because at it's very essence, game is about recognizing the truth.
The truth that women are not attracted to the same things men are.
The truth that women are not attracted to supplicant, eager-to-please nice guys.
The truth that not only is "equality" impossible to achieve in a male-female relationship, but a recipe for surefire failure.
The truth that in our culture, women are mislead to believe that infatuation and lust are the same thing as "LOVE."
The same holds true for women. Endless are the anecdotes of deluded women who believe that their college degrees, careers, and high salaries are all attributes that are supposed to be attractive to men.
Understanding Game is 100% effective in helping people see these truths.
Two other points here:
one must constantly romance their wife
This is not true at all.
In fact, "constant" romance would be the absolute wrong thing one should do in trying to apply game to their relationship.
Well-timed and well-executed "romance" at unpredictable and spontaneous intervals is enough...the only constant one needs to apply in a LTR is to constantly avoid running afoul of her hypergamous instincts.
...many comments on game blogs veer into victim blaming.
I can't speak for everyone...but sometimes playing the "blame game" is just copping out, or failing to recognize how one's own behavior may have played a role in the demise of his relationship.
Now if a husband "beta-izes" and his wife divorces him out of boredom and does all of the things she can to harness the power of the State to get every advantage out of the divorce, and destroy the relationship between a father and their kids, she most certainly is being a selfish, entitled, greedy bitch. That still doesn't mean the man shouldn't seek to understand how his own behavior, attitude and demeanor may have contributed to her actions that lead to the dissolution.
It's not about assigning fault, or assuaging oneself of guilt that they did no wrong.
It's about improving yourself...and self-improvement is impossible without facing the truth.
Learn Game so that you can be true to yourself.
That is how game is 100% effective.
ADDENDUM - Just came across a nice, succinct comment by Krauser over at Deansdale's, that encapsulates precisely what I'm trying to say:
When game is a shell of tricks wrapped around a total loser, it fails miserably. Unfortunately most PUAs I’ve met spend years in this mode. Eventually they tumble to the core truth that game is about personal transformation – about becoming the best possible you. That’s alot of hard work, painful introspection, and most guys won’t do it.
High value girls do not consort with low value men, even if the latter has “tight game”.