War is Hell

War is Hell, and a frivolous divorce is nothing less than total war.

Thought I had written all I had to say on this topic, then I logged on in a rare moment of free time and found a link to one of my older blog posts at another blog called Get Rich Slowly.

After reading the various comments and original post, I tried to leave a comment there. Either it's stuck in moderation or it didn't go through, so I decided to post it here instead of letting it dissappear into the virtual aether of cyberspace:

 

Interesting to see such an old post of mine get referenced 8 years later on teh Interwebz.

I think I wrote a much more definitive post on Divorce four years later here: Goodbye Blue Sky

The plain truth is this: divorce between parents is almost always a selfish action rationalized and justified with red herring excuses like "I want to be happy!" and "honoring my feelings!" But let's put it bluntly, the plain truth is that in most cases, it simply boils down to one or the other spouse wants to find/has already found a new, more exciting and enticing sex partner.

"She now realizes that her divorce was part of a much larger journey about learning to honor her feelings."

What about honoring her vows? "For richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health...blah blah blah." No, honoring "F E E E E L L I I N G G S S S S" is so much more important! This is both literally and figuratively what is so wrong with so much of the world today.

What about honoring her children? What about honoring THEIR feelings above her own?

Some women like the OP here will defend their decision for the rest of their lives...they'll even create a revenue generating website about it to capitalize on the destruction of her family for years to come...but some eventually realize the truth of what they have done to their families. Authoress Nancy Levant (whose book inspired the blog post I referenced here) came to the realization when she saw the effects her own divorce had on her kids lives, as well as all the kids she used to daycare that came from divorce-torn homes.

"Divorced children are fundamentally sad people. They remind me of every Native American I've ever met. There is a deep sadness in their eyes and souls that is visible and profound, that one cannot help but to soulfully cringe knowing what has happened - knowing the generation layers of themselves that have been stripped and stolen away.

 But parents don't consider this in their boredoms. {Instead, they learn to HONOR THEIR FEEEEEEEELLLLLIIIINNNNGGGS!} They don't care enough about their children and what it means to destroy, in total, their entire world. I live with this every day as my children bear the trademark sadness in their eyes. Now I know it's permanent."

Unless there is serious abuse, infidelity or other destructive and truly dangerous behavior, divorce for any other reason is really a selfish decision that hurts everyone involved -- whether they realize it or not -- especially the children.

This may sound chauvinistic and judgemental....because it is. Someone needs to stand up for the children in the face of this total war on the family aided and abetted by the Divorce Industrial Complex that is ruining this country.

Money comes and money goes, and "get rich slowly" is certainly a wise approach to financial management - but some things are far more important than mere $$$. Memories of a happy home life will profoundly affect a child's life in the long run far more than mere wealth accumulation and the affluent lifestyles afforded by it will.

If your home life isn't happy, divorce certainly won't make everyone else happier. Maybe you think to yourself that you'll be "happy" when you go looking for the excitement of new found lust like a giddy teenager again...but it's all illusory. Finding a new sex partner will of course be exciting and intoxicating for a time...new found infatuation is an intense feeling indeed....but at what cost? Because in the end, the ones who really pay it are the children whose family you destroyed to basically satisfy your carnal lust for the temporary excitement of a new sex partner(s).

To anyone who is married with children, before you give in to the temptation of the excitement of new sex, or even contemplate doing a financial spreadsheet analysis of the possible benefits of divorce, think of what it REALLY means to your children above all else.