Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Remember the Reason for the $ea$on

The holiday season is upon us, and it is time to heed the calls for worship and make our pilgrimages to our local multi-national corporate big box retailers temples of Mammon, so as to pay our tithes and do what one of the most important Gods of our brave new world order demands of we the sheeple as proper tribute to His reign of supremacy over all the land.

No longer content to wait for the clock to strike midnight on our national day of Thanks, many have begun a new tradition of worshiping Him by forsaking the traditional dinner of fowl gluttony and familial fellowship dysfunction, and instead are now getting a full days head start on the rites of blessed acquisition and accumulation! 

Many folks mistakenly decry the loss of faith and the rampant secularization of society. These people are mad with delusion!

How do they fail to notice the ubiquitous displays of devoted faith and zeal for fervent worship during one of the holiest High Days of our blessed calendar of the Common Era?


We haven't seen such widespread devotion to Him and His word since the heydays of the Falwell, Baker and Swaggart Tell-a-Vision Ministries!

The apparent renewed fervor in Him is downright inspirational!

Some of our most zealous worshipers compete with animalistic ferocity amongst each other, to demonstrate their personal acts of devotion and piety for our blessed deity of conspicuous consumption! Behold the depths of their conviction!

While the acts of accumulation and acquisition are widespread and pleasing unto Him, He is especially pleased with the atonement attained from the offerings of blood sacrifices during these sacred services!

Not all expressions of worship will be confined to the sacraments of accumulation and consumption of Chinese-made fair-trade devotionals at our community temples in the coming days of sacred celebrations of the most high.

Many of our nation's temples will also be offering tempting deals on our congregation's most important accessories for self-worship, the handheld mobile affirmation devices that provides 24-7 dispensation and conveniently accessible absolution in carrying out the rites most sacred to Him...all from the comforts of your own hand, wherever you may be!

The climax to our seasonal celebrations gives us greater opportunities for proselytizing the faith with a fervent evangelical zeal, unmatched by previous generations who were unfortunately blinded by the ignorant and profane idolatry of anachronistic monotheism and stultifying tradition!

Take heart as the ranks of the faithful will undoubtedly swell as the multitudes are brought into the ever increasing fold of worship in His name!

Despite the best efforts of the clergy and priesthoods of our nation's dominant denomination, there still remains much work to be done in spreading His message! Their still exists way too many apostates, heretics and blasphemers doing their hardest to suppress and ban His sacred traditions and ritual observances and turn even those most steadfast in the faith from our nation's foundations of consensus-affirmed doctrine!

Beware the nefarious designs of the deceivers attempting to lead us all astray!

Such blasphemies must not go unchallenged! Gird your loins and strike those who would lead our latter day saints astray with such pernicious lies and deceit!

Stand fast in the face of this determined opposition trying to make us fall away from our faith, for we are all called to serve Him with all our hearts, minds and souls! If we hold strong, and it is His will,  it is certain that this scourge of apostates and their damnable heresies will be cleansed from our lands!

Stay strong my brothers and sisters, keep the faith and I'll see you all in line this Thursday!


Brian said...

Ahhh, Thanksgiving. Football, gluttony, and now shopping. It's the American Way!

Anonymous said...

This almost reads like a guest post from entropyismygod. ;-)

Keoni Galt said...

Certainly i must confess to have been influenced by him....just so happens entropy started his blog the same time i had just recently finished reading a book about the pagan Gods of antiquity. I hope he resumes posting more frequently...

Anonymous said...

Simply beautiful. Well done.

Richard said...

It seems to me - that this year, they are being more shameless than ever with Black Friday advertising. I have even heard it being called "Black December" on some news reports.

They must really be desperate for money.

Anonymous said...

I worked on Thanksgetting and Black Friday. Thanksgetting actually tends to draw in more foreigners, 1/4 Americans, 3/4 Other. Friday more Americans. FYI.