Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Paleo Cult Conspiracy Proselytization
As a proud member of the Paleo Cult Conspiracy, I often receive comments and emails from folks asking me how to get started, what's a good book or blog to read up on and other means of getting initiated into the cult.
I usually refer folks to Mark's Daily Apple, Dr. Kurt Harris' Archevore blog, and Richard Nikoley's Free the Animal.
All great sources, all packed full of details, extensive explanations, and anecdotal experiences with literally hundreds of others who have joined the cult.
More importantly, they are all free.
You absolutely do not have to buy books, dvd's, cds, mp3 downloads or attend seminars to learn about the tenets of our cult, nor are they required to join. That being said, if you do decide to spend your money on such things, there are certainly highly recognized, legitimate cult members who do produce such things for those cult members who wish to explore the more intensive aspects of our ideology.
You should consult many other cult members and their testimonials before you decide to spend you money to further your understanding...but again, you don't have to.
There is more than enough personal accounts out their on teh interwebz by other prominent cult members to give you more than enough information and direction to begin your initiation for the price of nothing more than your time.
So why exactly should you want to join our Cult?
Some of you who read this blog (and other manosphere blogs that also report on their experiences upon joining the cult) think it's all much ado about nothing...or a waste of time. Or that "science" has "proven" that the only thing that matters is counting calories, and eating less food while exercising more.
This cult is are not for everyone. We don't wish to make our cult become THE ONE TRUE WAY ALL MUST FOLLOW.
We only want those who want to voluntarily join and maintain their membership in good standing.
If you think you're better than we the brainwashed, blind fanatics of a crazy cult, good for you.
We don't need your approval or your validation. As cult members, we KNOW what the cult can and does do for it's members, and we will continue with out rituals and traditions and lifestyle, regardless of what you think.
Membership is open to all who wish to join. We do not discriminate based on gender, race, creed or sexual orientation. We only discriminate against one sort of self-selected person: members of the Vegan Cult Conspiracy. They usually don't want to join anyway. The only time we have a problem with them is when they try to recruit our cult members over to their version of the dark side.
So...you've seen the testimonials, you've heard all the anecdotes. Somehow, you've managed to read these accounts of brainwashed cult members, and you are considering joining up with our cult yourself....where to begin?
First, you need to understand the dogma and faith based tenets of our cult and exactly why we are a conspiracy.
This is not simply a diet one begins to lose weight.
This is what makes us a cult and not a fad diet. Once you join this cult and you adhere to our tenets for long enough of a time to experience the benefits, most realize that it becomes a way of life.
Fad diets are based on the premise of losing excess stored body fat, and by no matter what means that are prescribed, it usually involves burning off stored fat tissue through caloric deficit...aka short term starvation.
This is a heresy to our cult. If you cannot fathom rejecting this paradigm, this cult is not for you. Move along, there's nothing to see here.
For those willing to at least consider this, than please, read on.
The primary tenet of our cult are this: Recognizing the proper foods to eat that provide Nutrient Density, and recognizing the foods that optimize the human bodies use of those nutrients. By focusing on nutrient optimization, over time, we can experience optimal genetic expression - or how the human animal's body is supposed to look, feel and function.
The corollary to this tenet, is learning to recognize the foods that inhibit the use of the nutrients, foods that deplete your body of those needed nutrients, and foods that actively damage the body. Once you learn to recognize these characteristics of all the things found in our world that people call "food" we than adjust our daily consumption choices to maximize optimal nutrition and minimize or outright eliminate those foods that interfere with attaining that goal of optimal nutrition.
Once you gain this knowledge and apply it over time, you may experience a whole host of differences and changes in your health and well-being.
Overweight people lose weight...and keep it off. Other folks who want to gain weight and change their overall body composition also experience the benefits of cult membership. Others who have no desire either way to change their weight, are cult members because they discover other ways in which cult membership changes their lives.
Members with severe allergies and chronic conditions like gout, type II diabetes, arthritis, chronic migraines, asthma, rashes, eczema, insomnia, wildly fluctuating energy levels, depression, acid reflux, acne, chronic diarrhea, and other sorts of maladies experience relief, lessening of the symptoms, and many cases outright disappearance of these conditions.
Some folks criticize our cult by claiming we offer our lifestyle as a panacea, a cure all. It is not. Some people may have in fact have damaged bodies so badly they are incapable of experiencing the benefits that many other cult members do.
One former cult member (whose blog I used to read regularly until he stopped blogging), had damaged his bodies ability to handle consuming any form of fat by taking the pharmaceutical acne drug accutane when he was younger. His experiences in our cult lead him to form his own cult (The Aquatic Ape Conspiracy Cult) with a far more rigid protocol to follow to heal himself. But experiences like his are relatively rare. Needless to say, discovering our cult and it's tenets did help him find the path to healing he was looking for, and he is better off for having joined in the first place, even if he did end up leaving. I also believe anyone who joins his cult would be far better off than your average non-cult member in the Anglosphere eating anything and everything the corrupted culture has to offer.
See, probably the most important aspect of our cult is the principles of self-experimentation and finding what tenets and dogma of our cult work for you.
Our mantra is YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY.
A sub-tenet to this mantra is: LET NOT PERFECTION BE THE ENEMY OF GOOD.
A variation on this theme is the 80/20 principle.
We are not strict or obsessive.
Certain individual cult members may be fanatical in applying our tenets, but it is certainly not necessary to do so, should you decide to join.
We do not cast members out for failing to adhere to our belief system to perfection. We recognize that every cult member is in a unique situation, and that diet and exercise are merely parts of the sum total of living a complete life.
There are tradeoffs for which we can calculate the risk/reward ratio of a certain behavior, and recognize that for other aspects and areas of our life outside of just diet and exercise may take precedence.
For instance, if a cult member is getting married, he or she is not a heretic to be cast of the cult because they ate a piece of their wedding cake, even if it is nearly an article of faith in our cult that cake is sinful.
We are a CONSPIRACY Cult, because many of our tenets and proscriptions are based on the realization that there does in fact exist entities and organizations that are in fact profiting off of making sure the average person eats the wrong foods and suffers the ill effects so that they can make themselves rich selling you pharmaceutical treatments that alleviate or mitigate the symptoms for those conditions. These entities are in the Government, the media and the educational institutions, as well as various industries.
By joining our Cult, you lessen their ability to trap you in their conspiracy. Does this make us cult members paranoid?
Sure, if you're a cult member long enough, it comes with the territory.
Every time I'm offered food from an unknown origin, I contemplate what poisons it may contain, and whether or not I'll make the judgement as to whether or not I ingest it. In my own experiences, I find that minor transgressions of cult orthodoxy, like small amounts of refined sugar have little to no ill effects on my health, so I will occasionally eat some ice cream or some dark chocolate. On the other hand, when I eat almost any amounts of Omega 6-imbalanced, partially-hydrogenated oils, it usually instigates an inflammatory reaction that require medication to alleviate.
In short, eating a regular sized serving of french fries or a typical doughnut fried in "vegetable" oil, always results in myself suffering an asthma attack within an hour or so. But that's just me. Other cult members may not experience any such reactions, so they can decide for themselves on when, where and why they decide to ignore the tenets of our cult.
YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY
If you're the sort of person who believes that anything labelled as a conspiracy theory is crazy, and only lunatics and crackpots believe in said theories, than membership in our cult is certainly not for you.
If you cannot comprehend the notion that certain toxic substances are manufactured, packaged and sold for massive profits, and that the regular person eating such fare regularly for a long period of time will eventually become sick, than quite frankly, you are not smart enough to belong in our cult.
Yes, we can be a bit elitist like that.
After all, calories in < calories out is all that matters, anything more is deranged fantasy!
Trust me, looking at people who tout such beliefs emphatically, we who come from the perspective of being a Paleo Conspiracy cult member, consider you to be the brainwashed, ignorant fool.
That makes us even.
I'll stick to my fanatical cult outside of the mainstream, conventional wisdom.
Feel free to stick with yours, I and my fellow cult members really don't care.
But if you're interested in joining up, stay tuned...
Up Next: Paleo Cult Conspiracy Initiation