There Are Two Abusive People in Every Abusive Relationship

A commenter at Henry Makow's website (Doh! A CONSPIRACY THEORIST WEBSITE REFERENCE! MOVE ALONG FOLKS, NOTHING TO SEE HERE!) made a very profound statement in response to the following article: "My Marriage is a Living Hell," - Tender-hearted man

"There are two abusive people in every abusive relationship - the abuser and the person abusing themselves by staying in the relationship."

In effecting the dramatic changes of society to forge our Brave New World Order, the social engineers struck at the root by attacking Patriarchal Marriage, and the biggest blow came from convincing people that if they are in "an abusive relationship," they are blameless victims justified in destroying there homes through divorce.

Any spouse unhappy with their situation can then interpret anything they like as "abusive" to rationalize vindictive divorce battles, infidelities, and other ruthless, family destroying behavior.

This mentality is the primary driver of frivolous divorce.

It is based on ignoring a basic principle of what constitutes a mature adult: personal responsibility.

Recognizing and accepting the consequences for your own behavior.

Take the initial article that inspired the comment -

I have been married for 35 years, most of which have been a living hell. I've stayed married for the sake of my children and now that they are in their early twenties I still stay because I've been here so long.

At 58, with a shitty pathetic economy, it's hard to imagine being able to sustain myself alone. I've left my wife over the years, three times in all. I always came back. My last exit was in 2008; I just couldn't take the brash hatred, angry aggression and abusive lashing out verbally any longer.

I'm ashamed to say a few weeks later I had a panic attack and I thought I was losing my mind. I went back again but this time I was forced to go to "wife batterer's" meetings for six months. In their eyes, any affront to a woman is abuse, no matter how much she screams, throws things, gets in your face, drives you to the point of insanity.....it's still your fault. I found out later the instructor had an abusive father and could not believe a woman could be abusive. My thought was, "What a freaking idiot!"

My wife is a full blooded Irish, with a temper from hell. You're so right as to how a woman who forces her way to control the home, her children and her husband castrates her husband.

I feel weak, depressed and just wait to die. We haven't had sex in four years even though she says she wants to but the thought of it makes me want to puke. My wife is a wonderful woman but a horrible demon for a wife.

Women who have borderline personality disorders or bipolar disorder should never be allowed to marry anyone. I think that's what she has, that and being the daughter of one of the biggest bitches I ever met....thank God she's dead now. I watched her father get nagged to death. My wife is a control freak who constantly complains about everything I do or don't do. She never shows me any respect and never has anything good to say about me. Conversely, she is convinced I'm the control freak who's tried to control her, her whole married life, the source of her unhappiness and so on. Some of our friends have seen a glimpse of what she's like but she hides it when anyone is around. Personally, I don't know any man who is in control of his home. Just as soon as you want to do something they don't like, you'll find out how much control you don't have. I also believe women are the most evil creatures God ever created.

I'm a sensitive man, tender-hearted and kind. This is not to say or imply I'm a weak kneed wimp, far from it. I spent 12 yrs in the Navy and I have no problem getting in somebody's face if its needed.

But I, like many men, am starving for affection, kindness, respect and an ounce of tenderness from their spouse or any woman for that matter. This is one reason, so many men cheat on their wives...no affection at home. On the other hand, it's also one of the reasons why some men turn out to be crazy killers....don't worry, I have a conscience and couldn't ever do it. I'd be quicker to do it myself just to stop the pain. The Illuminati is doing a damn good job of destroying men.

One bit of advice I give people who are considering being married is this, "Look at how your girlfriend or boyfriend's parents treat each other. Watch how the mother treats her husband, because if you're a man....that's how you're going to be treated. It's also how she is going to expect to be treated, good or bad." I wish I knew then what I know now.

This poor sap's story is sad on so many fronts...but the worst of it is to see how thoroughly he's adopted the "I'm a victim" mindset. Any woman who has ever filed for a restraining order for domestic abuse, or has gone through numerous break ups and reunions with an abusive man could have written this entire complaint verbatim.

I've heard many a dissembling woman tearfully relating a litany of emotional and verbal "abuse" from her "controlling" boyfriend or husband, seeking to gain the sympathy of the listener. Back in the blue pill days, I'd fall for it too. Poor abused woman, trapped by an abusive asshole man!


In any case, this sort of victim sees nothing here for which he was responsible for. The only point he even comes close to it, is his advice at the end about observing a woman's parental relationship dynamics as a portend for how she will end up treating you.

While that certainly is good advice, it still doesn't absolve this guy from the responsibility he has to himself. The true abuser in this guys sad tale is the abuse he is inflicting on himself by rationalizing and justifying the reasons as to why he's stayed in the relationship, and why he continues to stay.

He calls his marriage a living hell.

It's a self-made hell.

Man or woman, you can only be as abused as you allow yourself to be.