An open letter to Will Ferrell
1 hour ago
I will get up and walk the dog at 6:30am.
I will eat fruit as a part of my breakfast.
I will shave...I will clean the sink afterI shave.
I will be at work by 8 am...I will sit through 2 hour meetings.
I will say yes when you want me to say yes.
I will be quiet when you don't want to hear me say no.
I will take your call..I will listen to your opinion of my friends.
I will listen to your friends opinions of my friends.
I will be civil to your mother.
I will put the seat down...I will separate the recycling.
I will carry your lip balm.
I will watch your vampire TV shows with you.
I will take your socks off before getting into bed.
I will put my underwear in the basket...
And because I do this...I will drive the car, I want to drive.
You need to start getting up and walking the dog at 6:30am...you're starting to look a little hefty...you wouldn't want to turn into one of those people of walmart cows?!
You will add some fruit to my breakfast that you are cooking...but DON'T overcook the eggs.
I will shave...I will clean the sink after I shave as well as that clump of your hair out of the bathroom drain...because as the MAN, I realize that the nasty, dirty jobs are MY job around here...and while I do all the things you simply cannot bear to do, like haul the garbage, kill the rodents and insects and yes, clean hair clogs out of drains, you should be cooking me some food or washing the dishes and not complaining about how you "Do Everything Around Here!" Because you don't.
I will be at work by 8 am...I will sit through 2 hour meetings. Because I'm the provider, and I will endure whatever it takes to provide for this household.
I will NEVER say yes when you want me to say yes. If you don't like what I have to say, than make me a sandwich.
You will be quiet when I am doing something that has my interest and requires my concentration.
I will take your call...if I feel like it. If not, I'll call you back later.
I will listen to your opinion of my friends...I may or may not agree with you, but you will NOT choose my friends for me.
What was that your friends said about my friends? Don't they have better things to do than gossip about MY friends?
I will be civil to your mother...if she is civil to me. Respect is a two way street. I have no problem being respectful...to a respectful person in kind.
Put the seat down yourself and quit your squawking....is it really that big a deal for something that takes no time and almost no effort to put it up or down?
I will separate the recycling...after all, that's all bottles from my beer. I'll separate them and turn them in to the collection center, so I can take the refund and buy more beer. See...I got this recycling thing down pat.
Here...carry your own lip balm...isn't that why you carry a purse with everything but the kitchen sink in it in the first place? In fact, while your at it, here...put this in your purse until I need it.
Watch your vampire TV shows when I'm not around. Better yet, stop watching that garbage. Read a book.
I will wear whatever I want to wear before getting into bed...if you don't like it, you can always take the couch.
I will put my underwear in the basket when I'm good and ready to have my laundry done.
And because I do this...I will drive the car, I want to drive, while you can drive the mini-van I bought for you to take the kids to soccer practice.