Upon reflecting on my past through the lens of understanding gained by taking the Red Pill (oh how I never tire of that allegory,) it's rather amusing to see things so clearly in hindsight to the kind of things I used to be completely oblivious to.
When I was in my early 20's and attending college, I had a roommate who was a "Natural" player. He was a PUA to the "T." The dude was practicing Leykis 101 (NSFW) before I ever heard that particular radio show.
He was an older guy in his mid 30's, he had 3 "steady" girls at all times, as well as an endless array of one night stands and short affairs of 20 something women. He was a DJ; an excellent drummer of a semi-popular jazz/funk/hip-hop fusion nightclub band; a sometime event promoter; as well as a primary procurer for illicit recreational substances. In short, he was Hawaii's version of the G Manifesto in the early 90's.
We were roommates for several years, and during that time, I witnessed the entire catalog of PUA behavior, multiple relationship management, negging, and alpha indifference to his girls emotional roller coasters. Being the clueless guy that I was, I was in many different cases, the LJBF nice guy to a few of his conquests.
I remember one instance in which one of his steady girls complained for hours to me at our house (she came over unannounced while he was out...swooping other girls, of course), and I was the only one home. I got an earful of how he was such a jerk, and what the hell was she doing wasting her time with him, blah, blah, blah.
I even got the "why can't he be nice like you?"
Now I know, it is precisely why he was not like me that attracted her all the more.
My roommate once told me he planned to play with women like that forever.
Eventually he moved out of our place, I ended up getting married and moving out and we haven't seen each other in years now.
But recently I talked to several mutual friends who gave me the update on how his life turned out since we last saw each other.
Apparently, he met THE ONE.
The mythical creature who does not exist.
The ONE woman he fell so hard for, he unwittingly quit all of his natural skills as a player, and put her way up on the pedestal. Knowing the quality of girls that he regularly swooped, it would not be any sort of stretch on my part to guess she was a 9 or a 10 for certain. My friends told me that he worshiped her. He broke up with all other girls, stopped nightclubbing and swooping other girls. He got a serious case of oneitis. He bought her a ring and proposed. They were engaged for 6 months.
In the midst of planning their wedding, she cheated on him and dumped him for another guy.
He was devastated.
Many women will read this account and think that he got exactly what he deserved...bad boy player finally getting his comeuppance. But I take a more important lesson from his tale of woe: if you meet a woman who you think is "THE ONE" and you game her into a relationship...don't forget the things you did to land her in the first place once you are in that relationship! As Alkibiades wrote in his excellent post, Hot Tubs and Women:
Game does not end when you begin an LTR. If anything it is just the beginning.
As a "natural," I wonder if he will arrive to the conclusions on his own? Will he realize that he "beta-ized" and killed her attraction for him by ceasing to be the "player" he was for all those years? That he fell for one of the biggest lies of our feminized society that preaches that men should put women on a pedestal to have a "serious" relationship?
14 comments:
When a natural loses his skills there is nothing more pathetic. When a natural gets played there is nothing more pathetic. They often have no clue what went wrong and how not to let it happen again.
Yup. When I heard what happened to him, I felt real bad for him...of course, had this occurred prior to taking the red pill, I would have been just like any other "sensitive" mangina and thought he got what he deserved.
I used to think he was a scumbag when it came to the ladies...
I almost get embarrassed when I think about my naivete back then.
I think the game changes so vastly between PUA game and marriage/LTR game that we are almost talking about completely different things.
There are elements of overlap, but they are cousins rather than siblings.
IN terms of "seduction," sure.
But the differences here is INNER GAME. My old roommate completely lost his frame and became a total, supplicating, "niceguy."
Even the healthiest LTR must have the woman recognizing that her partner is desirable and available to other women. When a man goes into One-itis mode, it kills that perception.
When a man goes into One-itis mode, it kills that perception.
One more plus for polygamy
"Even the healthiest LTR must have the woman recognizing that her partner is desirable and available to other women."
How is this recognition conveyed? What do you do to reinforce her awareness of this fact? In particular, what does it mean for your wife to know you are "available" to other women?
What lesson do I draw from this? Women are too much work, especially for LTRs!
LOL Mark, always the LTR 'optimist'.
But you're right. Most women don't appreciate or respect a 'nice' guy. At least until they need to get bailed out by one because they sold the proverbial farm to the bad boy and need a clueless schmuck to bankroll what the bad boy left behind.
Uhm, no thanks. I'll leave to cuckolding to someone else.
@Anonymous: One's desirability should be conveyed through frame, subtle comments and through real interactions with women. Your wife or LTR will know that you are available to other women if you believe that fact, if you aren't afraid to joke around about other women who want you, either specifically, or just in general and if you spark attraction in other women when you interact with them (regardless of whether you act on that attraction).
@MarkyMark: Wrong lesson! The lesson is, when you put in too much work and emotional investment into the relationship, your actions appear needy and supplicating, which kills attractions. Putting in less work, ironically, is the way to develop a stronger and healthier LTR. The right LTR should feel and seem almost effortless.
It is sad when a man becomes a boy...
incremental vs entity. entity's are naturals. when they fail, it breaks confidence in their being, their persion.
someone who has struggled and slowly gotten better, slowly climbed the mountain amidst collapse, landslide and crushing failure....gets up, dusts themselves off and begins anon.
I agree with Marky Mark. The drain on my peace of mind, and resources, is not worth what I have ever gotten from any woman.
Yup. I've seen it with my own eyes. Naturals are definitely not immune to one-itis.
What's interesting is that us (former) nice guys tend to go through our one-itis phase in our teens & twenties while the naturals are shagging everything in site.
Then, right when we've (hopefully) learned our lessons and are hitting our 'No More Mr Nice Guy' phase in our late twenties and early thirties, the naturals start looking for that 'one good girl' to settle down with - their arrogance having blinded them to the true nature of women that they had a zillion opportunities to witness.
What you described more or less happened to one of my mentors. After fucking & or getting blown by hundreds of different girls without ever catching herpes he (thinks he) meets the woman of his dreams and what does she end up doing?
She cheats on him, gives him herpes on his dick and almost drives him to suicide.
I'm sure this scenario has played out countless times over the centuries. There really is nothing new under the sun.
"In the midst of planning their wedding, she cheated on him and dumped him for another guy."
The ultimate blessing in disguise.
Cheaters are low lifes. Period. If you're in a 'serious' relationship or about to get married, losing your attraction for your partner is no excuse to be unfaithful.
U&L
For you alphas out there, can you give a beta guy like me advice? I teach English in Korea and I have a female coteacher (she's married, so no chance I would have sex with her). I was trying to teach students how to ask questions about a word they don't know. For example, "fatidic". Questions would be "What is fatidic?" "How do you pronounce fatidic?" "How do you spell fatidic?" "What does fatidic mean?" I wanted students to memorize those 4 questions.
After introducing the questions, I showed them a list of the 1000 most common English words. I then put them in groups of 4 to choose 5 words and ask me questions about them.
While doing that, during class, the coteacher complained to me that this is not a "group activity". In fact, almost every class without fail, she finds something to criticize. She also doesn't seem to have anything against doing it during class.
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