Friday, March 5, 2010

The Vajazzle Monologues

Apparently Ferdinand Bardamu is attempting to put together his own little play, The Vajazzle Monologues, to compete with Eve Ensler's notorious V-Day production! Since he's given me so much link love in the past for both this blog and my posts over at The Spearhead, I've decided to give his efforts a free plug.

Here are some scenes that will be presented, to highlight how women have finally overcome years of oppression and inequality by reclaiming their private parts through the liberating practice of applying cheap sparkly pasties with a TV infomercial glue gun , to bling their vaginas!

* I Was Twelve, My Mother Vajazzled Me: a chorus describing many young women's and girls' first experiences shared with their mothers upon decorating their genitalia for the very first time.

* My Sparkling Vagina, in which a woman humorously rants about the lack of variation amongst the jewel stones available for vajazzling to strike a blow at the hetero-normative hegemony of Patriarchy!

* My Vagina Was My Disco Ball, a dialogue between George Lopez and the Hollywood Starlet Jennifer Love Hewitt, that brought this awesome practice into the public consciousness for the first time.

* The Little Coochie Sparkler That Could, in which a woman recalls memories of traumatic sexual experiences in her childhood with her plain, undecorated vajayjay and a self-described "positive healing" sexual experience in her adolescent years with an older woman who vajazzled her little coochie with some bling. In the original version, she is 13, but later versions would change her age to 16. This particular skit has sparked numerous controversies and criticisms due to this age discrepancies. Women are still trying to determine what is the appropriate age to validate their equality by vajazzleing their vajayjays.

* Reclaiming Cunt, a piece narrated by a woman who illustrates that the word "cunt" itself is a lovely word when used to reference all those brave women that have undergone vajazzlefication!

* The Woman Who Loved to Make Vaginas Sparkle, in which a prostitute for women discusses the intriguing details of her career and her love of giving women vajayjay bling. In several performances it often comes at the end of the play, literally climaxing with an actual demonstration of a virgin vajayjay being vajazzled.

* Because He Liked to Look At It, in which a woman describes how she had thought her pubic area was ugly and had been embarrassed to even think about it, but changed her mind after she vajazzled her vajayjay and than had a drunken one-night stand with a pickup artist named Bob who spent hours entranced by her vagina bling.

* I Was There In The Room, a monologue in which Ferdinand describes the birth of his vajazzle campaign.

Coming to all Womyn's Studies Programs at your local Universities and community colleges soon!

1 comment:

vajazzled said...

For the win! Classic stuff.