Let's Just Be Friends With "Nice" Guys

Susan Walsh thought she would do a quick throwaway posting of an xkcd cartoon about a "Nice Guy" trying to gain a relationship by befriending a woman (rather than directly attempting to seduce her), and was surprised at the amount of debate and discussion it generated in the commentary.

The first amusing thing, is Susan's initial reaction to the cartoon:

The scary thing is, this guy’s reasoning makes perfect sense to me! It seems like such a good strategy! Aarrggh, why do chicks dig jerks?

Chicks don't dig jerks. They dig Alpha psyco-sexual and social dominance. Many "jerks" have those Alpha qualities...but not all men with those qualities are "jerks." Women will put up with an Alpha's jerk behavior in the same way men will put up with a bitchy, shallow woman -- if she's hot enough.

As far as strategies go....from the male perspective, it is not a good strategy at all. I think Susan deems it so, because she thinks "nice" guys are desirable. She's mistaking alpha guys who are nice (which probably describes her husband), for the fearful, passive-aggressive, effeminate strategy of the "nice guy" in the comic.

Note the "nice" guys rationale in his thinking:

See, I don't want to consider that you might not be attracted to me. I'm scared of rejection, so I've decided relationships should grow smoothly out of friendships."

Scared of her rejection? That automatically shows you that he's already put her up on a pedestal. He also lets fear dictate his decision making...which shows that he's letting his emotions dictate his behavior. That is not masculine behavior at all.

When you have problems, I'll be there for you, night after night. Selflessly.

"Selflessly?" This guy is playing the emotional tampon for her in the hopes of gaining access to her without her clothes on. That's what you call "selfless?" This is an example of the the male rationalization hamster getting warmed up for a run on the wheel.

I'll tear down the jerks you date, and wait for you to realize how good I am for you.

That's as passive-aggressive as you can get. Is this "nice?"

Maybe to a woman that's "nice," since female social interaction usually involves a level of fake niceties when confronted with female rivals. For women, that's par for the course. For men, that's effeminate and cowardly.

Before I knew better, I used to have female friends who would come to me and complain about the "jerks" they were dating (and no, I was not being their friend because I was hoping to hook up...these are friends who I know after having been married. I'll get to this idea of "real" opposite gender friendship in a future post.) I used to commiserate, offer condolences and play at being "understanding."

Not after having taken the red pill.

For the past several years, whenever a female friend started complaining to me about her boyfriend, I put the responsibility squarely on her shoulders.

"You picked him as your boyfriend. If he's that terrible, than why are you still with him? No one's forcing you to stay with him."

Needless to say, I no longer have female friends who complain about their men to me. Good.

Back to the "nice guy":

"You won't want to hurt my feelings, and I won't ever force the issue."

If she is aware of your physical attraction for her, and she persists in her friendship with you, rubbing your face in her dating escapades with "jerks," she is using you for attention...but the fact that she doesn't want to hurt your feelings means she feels sorry for you. She pities you. If you understand what hypergamy means, where do you think that puts you on her attractiveness scale?

But the more likely scenario is that she is utterly clueless about your attraction to her. She is taking your platonic behavior at face value and unawares of your ulterior motives.

"Bit by bit, I'll make you depend on me."

As her emotional tampon. Her BFF...not her lover.

"You'll think about how long it would take to build this kind of connection again."

With another friend.

And in a moment of weakness...and lonlieness...you'll give in.

So ladies, explain to me how that is in any way "nice?"

"It'll feel comfortable and natural. You'll quietly try to revise your definition of love and try to be happy. And sometimes you will be."

It will feel comfortable and natural for "nice guy" because he's finally realized his goal. She, on the other hand, will be engaging her rationalization hamster to try and deal with the fact that she was "tricked" into bed by her "friend" in a moment of emotional distress and weakness. That hamster can only run for so long before it gets tired.

Girl: "I'm going to date this jerk."
"Nice" Guy: "But he doesn't respect you!"

But "jerk" makes her 'gina tingle. Nice guy doesn't. He never did.

He was her emotional tampon.

Like all tampons, he only got into her vajayjay when she was bleeding...but as soon as the bleeding stopped, he got discarded.