This post, unlike the other posts in this series, is based on an actual conversation between myself and a woman acquaintance the other night. In essence, it was the rare occasion for which I dispensed a dosage of red pill reality to someone in real life (rather than through internet anonymity), while she was trying to explain her blue pill delusions to me.
I was two steps ahead of her at every turn in the conversation, and in the end, I actually think I got through to her and gave her a lot of food for thought. Since his is a recollection from a few days ago, of course it's paraphrased from memory and not an exact transcription.
The conversation began on the topic of Tiger Woods and divorce. While she was condemning Tiger for his philandering ways, I posed the question to her: what if Elin had cut Tiger off from sex? Would you than blame him for cheating on her?
Her response was, "well, than they have a problem of communication! He should have communicated with her rather than cheat on her!"
I than said, "what if he tried...and she still told him too bad, she was not interested in sex anymore?"
She than said, "well, than he should have filed for divorce and not cheated."
I said, "and what than? She gets the kids and half to more than half of all of the wealth he spent an entire lifetime earning!"
She said, "He could cite her refusal to have sex as the reason for divorce, and he'd be more likely to get custody and not have to pay alimony!"
My response..."Don't you know what 'no-fault' divorce means?"
No answer. I continued...
"No-fault divorce really means HIS Fault, since the courts typically give the woman default custody of the children, and the house, so that she has a place for the children. Why do I say "his fault?" Because when you call it "no-fault" this basically means a woman can cheat, break her marriage vows, and STILL get rewarded for it when the divorce courts give her custody of the kids."
"Look at the way the mass media and society treat adultery. Magazines and TV shows all revile Tiger as a piece of garbage for being a cheater. It's all his fault. But do we REALLY know what went on between those two? Yet, when you look at any high profile, celebrity episode of a woman cheating on her husband, there is always some sort of explanation that invariably blames it all on the man...'I was bored...he wasn't meeting my needs...I just wasn't feeling it anymore.' See how this works under 'no-fault divorce?'"
This is when she finally responded...
"See, that's the problem! When a woman is feeling these things, instead of cheating, she and her husband need to COMMUNICATE! Communication is the key to fixing these kinds of problems! But like most typical men, if a woman tries to talk to her man about these things, he doesn't listen, he doesn't change, so she goes out and finds a man that WILL listen, and WILL communicate with her!"
I felt like I was listening to an episode by Oprah Winfrey or Dr. Phil doling out the relationship advice to bored housewives and their beta-ized, beat-down husbands.
My response: "Bullshit, this whole 'communication' is the answer is nothing but a bunch of media-brainwashing garbage! When a woman says she's 'bored' it's simply because she's not getting that high from the infatuation stages that happens early in a relationship. When people first meet, the infatuation phase literally creates hormones and chemicals in their brains that are like a drug. Once marriage and kids and familiarity sets in, the other person no longer has that "high" from being with that person. Yet most women mistake the chemical high of infatuation for 'love,' and thanks to our media's endless message that 'love' is the most important thing to make a marriage work, we now have millions of women that 'get bored' and break up their families and destroy their children's lives based on searching for that same 'high' of infatuation. 'Communication' is not going to fix this desire for the chemical rush one gets from infatuation!"
Prolonged silence. I could see my words were sinking in. I continued,
"When a couple first starts dating, one of the biggest reasons that it seems so exciting, is that the unfamiliarity of the other person triggers a sense of anticipation when your not with that person. You're constantly wondering 'what's next?' in this relationship. This ramps up the 'high' of infatuation. This uncertainty consumes your thoughts, and ramps up expectations of excitement the next time you see the other person."
"Marriage and co-habitation eventually destroys this effect. Remember the old saying, 'familiarity breeds contempt?' There's no mystery anymore when the wife knows hubby comes home from work, pops open a beer and turns on the tube or plays with the kid. No more anticipation. No more infatuation. No more 'high.'"
"Than she 'falls out of love.' Perhaps she starts having an affair. Meanwhile, predictable, 'boring' husband keeps up with his routine of work, come home and spend time with the family, mow the lawn on the weekends, maybe have some beers with the boys at a barbecue. Meanwhile, bored housewife is watching the garbage on TV, in which asshats like Dr. Phil and women like Oprah -- who's never been married and is rumored to be a lesbian -- brainwashing you with these ideas of 'COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY TO A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP!'"
So bored housewife tries to 'communicate.' But she doesn't even understand in her own mind that the root of her problem is that she's craving the high of infatuation. So she's no longer sexually attracted to her husband. She stops having sex with him. He doesn't understand why. If HE tries to 'communicate' with her, she tells her clueless husband that something is 'wrong' or 'I'm not in love anymore' or some other such vague bullshit. And clueless husband, who goes to work everyday, pays the bills, helps with the housework, helps with the kids, thinks 'WTF did I do wrong? Everything I do is for this family? Why is she acting like this? Why is she so unhappy? What's the problem?"
"Eventually, she finds a new man that gives her that infatuation high, or she files for divorce so that she can start looking for her new high without feeling guilty of cheating. In either case, she's destroyed yet another family and unjustly took her children away from their Father, all just so she can look for that 'infatuation-high' that she mistakes for 'love.' Whenever you're infatuated with somebody, you're eating up their every word, no matter what they're saying. Clueless woman thinks that her new lover is a 'fantastic communicator' and that they have 'great conversations.' It's all bullshit. "Communication" is not the key. Men need to understand how to keep their wives experiencing that infatuation high with them to keep her from getting bored. THAT is how relationships really work!"
I can see at this point she's utterly confounded with my diatribe. More silence.
I laugh. She finally admits, "You may have a point...how did you figure this stuff out?
I tell her, "Now you know why my wife and I have been married for so long...and it 'aint because we 'communicate.'"