Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Don't Whine to your Deployed Spouse

Dr. Laura, the talk radio show host that is a champion of strengthening marriages and families by calling women out on their selfish behavior has recently ruffled more than a few feathers the other day while doing a live show in Utah.

From her blog:

On Friday, May 11th, I was in Salt Lake City doing my radio program at Fort Douglas to honor Military Moms for Mother’s Day. Just before the three-hour live broadcast, I was interviewed by Matthew D. LaPlante for the Salt Lake Tribune; ostensibly about Military Moms. I don’t remember him asking me even one question about that.

His article was published the next day with the headline, “Dr. Laura to G.I. wives: No Whining.” Although this interview went over one-half hour, and I covered a wide range of subjects pertinent to military families and the war, he chose a comment, one that I’ve made before many times on the air, to make the primary focus of his article - and, he took it out of the entire context of my remarks.

I am so deeply sad and disappointed that this out of context comment appears to have caused hurt and pain to military spouses - people that I’ve spent so much time helping. I am frustrated that people who haven’t heard my program would be misled as to my attitude and intent.

I am a military mom. I whine to my husband every day about how scared I am for my son and how helpless I feel to protect his body and soul. However, I never whine to my son when he is able to call between missions.

That, and only that, is my point. Of course military spouses endure fear and domestic burdens. Of course they often need emotional support and practical assistance. As I said to the reporter, and many times on my program, family services, clergy, family, friends, and the camaraderie of other military spouses are available outlets. However, burdening one’s warrior spouse with your fears, upsets, loneliness, etc., is a huge mistake as it demoralizes the warrior and thereby undermines their concentration while they are in life-death situations.
It's funny that so many people read that article written by that Salt Lake reporter and sent a bunch of letters expressing outrage at Dr. Laura. However, even taking Dr. Laura's point out of context like the reporter did, still doesn't make what she said reprehensible at all...she speaks the truth!

It is also true that when a soldier is in combat, his family must remember that anything they are going through needs to be perceived in the context of the fact that they are not dodging bullets and tip-toeing around IEDs. I know that when I get upset about things in my life, I think about my son and what he is facing that he can’t walk away from, then I have a cup of coffee and go for a relaxing sail. It puts me back into a less “poor me” perspective. And that is what I have conveyed to millions of folks on my radio program.

It is unfortunate that so many women are raised in our culture to be so self-centered and selfish to the point that they have no consideration to their husband and the father of their children serving in a combat zone and may very well be killed, can't control themselves and have to vent and complain and unload their petty burden's of day to day life on their husbands...who oftentimes look forward to that call back home as an escape from the stress and insanity of a war zone.

Reminders like the one issued by Dr. Laura are VITAL. A demoralized soldier who is depressed or upset by a wife's phone call is much more likely to have a harder time dealing with the stress of combat...and this doesn't even come close to talking about the absolutely disgusting skanks who tell the soldiers serving that they are leaving them or going off with "Jody." Women who do that to a soldier in a combat role are just about the lowest form of female skankhood in my book.

Ladies, if you have a man fighting in Afghanistan or Iraq, ALWAYS focus on inspiring and uplifting his morale when you do get a chance to communicate with him. Give him something to fight hard to get back to, and you may in fact increase his chances (however slightly) of coming back to you. As Dr. Laura said (and I see nothing wrong with it, even when it is taken out of context!): NO WHINING!

1 comment:

tba said...


"However, burdening one’s warrior spouse with your fears, upsets, loneliness, etc., is a huge mistake as it demoralizes the warrior and thereby undermines their concentration while they are in life-death situations."

Exactly. Their self-centeredness blinds them to the fact they aren't the only ones going through hard times as their men are fighting a war. Women are truly the ME gender.
But this example is also valid for wives (housewives) too. The husband comes home from a hard day at work and HAS to listen to his wife complain about the fact that she only did one hour of housework or whatever issues she had during the day.
It's a rare thing for a woman to learn NOT to focus solely on self and to take into account what the other may have been going through as well.

Also, women who leave their men as they are fighting a war are some very heartless bitches. Shows how classless they are.