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There was a time in recent American history when certain Soviet jokes didn't work in translation - not so much because of the language differences, but because of the lack of common sociopolitical context. But that is changing. As President Obama is preparing us for a great leap towards collectivism, I find myself recollecting forgotten political jokes I shared with comrades while living in the old country under Brezhnev, Andropov, and Gorbachev. (I was too young to remember the Khrushchev times, but I remember the Khrushchev jokes.) I also noticed that the further America "advances" back to the Soviet model, the more translatable the old Soviet jokes become. ~Not all Soviet advancements have metastasized here yet, but we have four more glorious years to make it happen.
The six dialectical contradictions of socialism in the USSR:
- There is full employment - yet no one is working.
- No one is working - yet the factory quotas are fulfilled.
- The factory quotas are fulfilled - yet the stores have nothing to sell.
- The stores have nothing to sell - yet people got all the stuff at home.
- People got all the stuff at home - yet everyone is complaining.
- Everyone is complaining - yet the voting is always unanimous.
Dialectical contradictions are one of the pillars in Marxist philosophy, which states that contradictions eventually lead to a unity of opposites as the result of a struggle. This gave a convenient "scientific" excuse for the existence of contradictions in a socialist society, where opposites were nice and agreeable - unlike the wild and crazy opposites of capitalism that could never be reconciled. Hence the joke.
When I moved to America, where wild and crazy opposites of capitalism were supposedly at their worst. Until recently, however, the only contradictions that struck me as irreconcilable were these:
Economic justice:
- America is capitalist and greedy - yet half of the population is subsidized.
- Half of the population is subsidized - yet they think they are victims.
- They think they are victims - yet their representatives run the government.
- Their representatives run the government - yet the poor keep getting poorer.
- The poor keep getting poorer - yet they have things that people in other countries only dream about.
- They have things that people in other countries only dream about - yet they want America to be more like those other countries.
Hollywood cliches:
- Without capitalism there'd be no Hollywood - yet filmmakers hate capitalism.
- Filmmakers hate capitalism - yet they sue for unauthorized copying of their movies.
- They sue for unauthorized copying - yet on screen they teach us to share.
- On screen they teach us to share - yet they keep their millions to themselves.
- They keep their millions to themselves - yet they revel in stories of American misery and depravity.
- They revel in stories of American misery and depravity - yet they blame the resulting anti-American sentiment on conservatism.
- They blame the anti-American sentiment on conservatism - yet conservatism ensures the continuation of a system that makes Hollywood possible.
I never thought I would see socialist contradictions in America, let alone write about them. But somehow all attempts to organize life according to "progressive" principles always result in such contradictions. And in the areas where "progressives" have assumed positions of leadership - education, news media, or the entertainment industry - contradictions become "historically inevitable."
If one were accidentally to open his eyes and compare the "progressive" narrative with facts on the ground, one might start asking questions.
People's power:
Public education:
- Liberals believe they're advancing people's power - yet they don't believe people can do anything right without their guidance.
- People can't do anything right - yet the government bureaucracy can do everything.
- The government bureaucracy can do everything - yet liberals don't like it when the government takes control of their lives.
- Liberals don't like it when the government takes control of their lives - yet they vote for programs that increase people's dependency on the government.
- They vote for programs that increase people's dependency on the government - yet they believe they're advancing people's power.
Liberals and taxes:
- Liberals have been in charge of education for 50 years - yet education is out of control.
- Education is out of control - yet liberal teaching methods prevail.
- Liberal teaching methods prevail - yet public schools are failing.
- Public schools are failing - yet their funding keeps growing.
- Their funding keeps growing - yet public schools are always underfunded.
- Public schools are always underfunded - yet private schools yield better results for less.
- Private schools yield better results for less - yet public education is the only way out of the crisis.
Love and marriage:
- Liberals want to help the poor - yet they won't give money to charities.
- They won't give money to charities - yet they'd like the government to become a gigantic charity.
- They'd like the government to become a gigantic charity - yet the money has to be taken from people by force.
- The money has to be taken from people by force - yet they call it welfare.
- They call it welfare - yet higher taxes make everyone poorer.
- Higher taxes make everyone poorer - yet liberals find ways not to pay taxes.
- Liberals find ways not to pay taxes - yet they get to be chosen to run the government.
- Sex differences are the result of social conditioning - yet homosexuality is biological.
- Homosexuality is biological - yet everybody is encouraged to experiment with it.
- Everybody is encouraged to experiment with it - yet venereal diseases are treated at the taxpayers' expense.
- Venereal diseases are treated at the taxpayers' expense - yet taxpayers have no right to impose standards since there are no moral absolutes.
- There are no moral absolutes - yet gay marriage is an absolute must.
- Gay marriage is an absolute must - yet family is an antiquated tool of bourgeois oppression.
These three books, all relatively short and available online or for purchase, are an excellent starting point for an education in sound economics.
Economics in One Lesson by Henry Hazlitt;
Essentials of Economics by Faustino Ballve;
An Introduction to Austrian Economics by Thomas C. Taylor