THIS IS NOT A DRILL

I was having my usual cup of joe and reading the commentary at Vox Popoli blog when the cell phone Emergency Broadcast Signal Alert went off. This cell phone emergency messaging typically only happens when we have imminent heavy rains headed our way and the Government issues flash flood warning watches on the Emergency Broadcast channels.

It was Saturday morning at 8:08 am in the 808 State.

My wife looked at the message on the phone and completely freaked out.

"NORTH KOREA LAUNCHED A MISSILE AND IT'S HEADED TO HAWAII!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!! WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!?"

I almost spit out my coffee I had been sipping when the alarm first went off.

I told her to calm down, it's gotta be a joke.

My immediate thought were:

[IT'S JUST ANOTHER WAR OF THE WORLDS-FALSE FLAG-ORSON WELLS EVENT ALL OVER AGAIN].

I guess all this time spent on teh Interwebz becoming a Whackaloon Conspiritard left me unsurprised and immediately skeptical of my State Emergency Broadcast System's purported dire warnings of imminent nuclear annihilation.

She turned on the radio. A similar message was being broadcast on all radio channels. I went over to the tell-a-vision and turned it on. Nothing but normal programming. I flipped through several channels before I came to the local SeeBS affiliate channel which was showing a college basketball game. It had a banner scrolling along the top of the screen with a similar (though not exact message) as the initial text message that started the day's false flag frivolities. None of the other local broadcast channels had any messages, scrolling banners or any other interruption of their regularly scheduled programming.

I went back to my computer and began googling. No one had anything about our false alarm on teh Interwebz yet.

The radio broadcast emergency message continued for about two more minutes, before breaking back into it's normal scheduled music broadcast. The scroll stopped running on the tell-a-vision college basketball game. My phone was blowing up with texts and calls from family and friends. I replied to a few of the texts but didn't answer any of the calls. I had a panicked family to deal with at the moment.

My wife was on the phone tearfully telling her parents goodbye.

She hung up the phone and yelled at me that we needed to do something. I tried logic and reason to calm her down. The children started crying.

"Look, even if there really is a missile headed our way, that doesn't mean it's a nuke. It could be an attempted demonstration of North Korea's missile capability in an effort to gain power in negotiating with our Government. On the other hand, if it is a nuke, and it actually hits our island, hasta la vista babe! It's been a great life...Game Over. In either case, it's beyond our control, there is nothing we can do. Besides, if this is the start of World War Three, do we really want to live afterward?"

Needless to say, my unassailable logic failed to calm her down.

We have been preppers for years. We've got emergency supplies, bug out bags, evacuation plans and other preparations to deal with most potential civil disaster events - an earthquake, an approaching hurricane, a tsunami, total economic collapse and especially the coming zombie apocalypse. I have the mentality of a die hard survivalist and will fight until my last breath to survive or overcome any possible SHTF/TEOTWAKI events that may come to pass. But a nuclear strike on my island home? Even if we survived the initial blast, I don't think I care to test my will to survive in an post-apocalyptic nuclear ravaged landscape.

For I've also always reasoned that a nuke strike on Hawaii would simply be the first nuke in a multitude of exchanges resulting in a worldwide nuclear holocaust. No ways Hawaii gets blown off the map without the  US retaliating in kind. And that, of course, would likely be followed up with the world's other nuclear powers getting in on the action. I've decided years ago when I first began prepping that I'd rather die by instantaneous vaporization in the first blast then try to survive in an atomic post-apocalyptic world.

Needless to say, my wife was not comforted with my reasoning. She began to take the bug out bags out of their storage and gathering up other things to prepare to evacuate.

I sat back down at the computer and began googling again. Not one mention of our little island's drama anywhere for over 35 minutes. Finally, Drudge had a headline declaring it a False Alarm with a link to the Hawaii Emergency Management Agency's twitter account.

As soon as I saw the HEMA twitter page with it's rather illuminating logo, I LOL'd.

[I KNEW IT!]

At the same time, my wife's phone went off again. Her parents were texting that it was a false alarm. Finally she began to calm down.

I resisted the urge to say I told you so, and refilled my coffee cup and googled some more. The very first mainstream media report came from the UK's DailyMail website, nearly 45 minutes after the fun began. I couldn't believe a UK-based celebretard tabloid scooped the entirety of the American media-propaganda-fake-news industrial complex. 

Ah well, that certainly made for a drama filled start to a typically lazy Saturday morning. I finished my coffee, logged off teh Interwebz and proceeded with my plans I already had made for that day.

 

I didn't log back on to teh Interwebz until the next day. I was curious to see the online post-mortem from both local and worldwide reaction to out little mass media psyop false flag event.

I LOL'd at Henry Makow's twitter quip as it mirrored my initial response to the first alert: "Who is in charge of missle alerts on Hawaii...Orson Welles?"

But it was at the Vox Popoli thread discussing it that I really wanted to join in on the conversation...however, for whatever reason, I've been unable to comment at Vox's for a few months now. My IP must have been spammed by one of the mods while I was sock puppeting for the LULz or Googliath doesn't like me anymore as an anonymous commenter, as whenever I try to comment now, it appears for a moment than disappears. Ah well, it's all good. While I miss playing around with the VFM & the Dread Ilk, it is better for my time management and real life productivity to avoid getting into commentary debates on teh Interwebz anymore. Hell, I'm only getting around to blogging here because I'm currently rained out from my regularly planned typical Thursday work day.

That being said, I copied a few of the comments and responded to them here with the intent to publish this blog post in a timely manner. Shit happened, got really busy again in the real life, and here we are over a month later. Ah well, I hope this post still makes for interesting reading for those of you left that still bother to check in occasionally on my little corner of teh Interwebz.

Answering posts from State employee screws up, Trump top blame:

"It was all due to one guy with his finger on the button. How comical. Wonder if he's a democrat?" - Salt

Guaranteed. The only Republican to ever win in any significant election whatsoever since Statehood was our (((Lesbian Governor))) in the early '00s. And even though she reigned for 8 years, the State Government bureaucracy was still by and large, Hawaii Government Employee Union members (aka Democrats for life).

"Given how many state employees are doing just that on the job...Idiocracy is the best case scenario." - The Observer

Hawaii's largest employer is the State Government. Hawaii's largest union is the Government Employees Union. In terms of the majority of those employees, Idiocracy is being a bit generous. That being said, there is no way in hell this event was an accident. Rest assured, Hawaii has it's elite 1% at the levers of power, and they are no idiots, and they certainly know how to manipulate the useful idiot cogs in the State machine to do something like this quite purposefully and deliberately for their own nefarious reasons.

"My conspiracy theory...

Someone in the govt. wanted to see how people would react if the U.S. was actually attacked.

The results would have been as predicted (people running around like headless chickens)." - Simon

My conspiracy theory:

Someone in the elite 1% of our Brave New World Order's Global Hegemony wanted to run another of their periodic tests to get a read on the effectiveness of their mass media propaganda operations on a sample-size population.

T.H.E.Y. have spent a lot of time, money and efforts in producing the media to  manipulate the masses with the institutionalized public education system, and regularly scheduled programming on the tell-a-vision, the silver screen and the Infotainment Industrial Complex.

Besides, I highly doubt it was accidental that only a couple of weeks or so prior to our little test run here, all of the mainstream mass media propaganda industrial complex was broadcasting that lunatic in PyongYang was threatening USA Inc., with nukes and that Mein Trumpenfuhrer was irresponsibly and recklessly provoking him. In hindsight, the obvious predictive programming was obvious.

"When competently accomplishing a task is seventh or eighth on the list of important things about holding a position of employment... You might be a banana republic." - JACIII

Nah, we are just the 50th Franchise of USA Inc.  As a franchise, we have the same opportunities available for bureaucratic incompetence and inefficiency as any the other Democrat-stronghold Franchise in the upper 48 States. While I've never tried it, at this point, I'm thinking that life under a banana Republic would perhaps be preferred than the current status quo.

"...it turns out that Mr. Miyagi was the boss. Apparently Daniel-san failed to grasp switch-on, switch-off." - Gordon Scott

Hai! Mr. Miyagi (the actual HEMA representative, not the Karate Kid movie character) is the perfect representation of the typical State Government bureaucrat with strong union protection and the confidence that he will have a generous tax payer funded pension to live off for resigning. He took responsibility for one of his supposed underling's mistake, and a few weeks later and no one cares anymore.

"That warning system takes more than one step to activate. Incompetent people tend to not be that stupid." - swiftfoxmark2

Agreed. I have zero doubt in my mind that this was no simple accident or mistake.

"The story out there now is that the alert was "accidentally triggered during a shift change." Since that shouldn't be remotely possible, everybody is "investigating." I'm betting that the culprit will not be held responsible, or at most suspended with full pay..." - pyrrhus

If their actually is a single person responsible for physically pressing "the button," they will be protected by his union and will be shielded by Mr. Miyagi's tell-a-vision sepukku act. He took full responsibility!

"As far as I can tell, both regular internet and phone/VOIP connections to the mainland held up. That is actually kind of impressive, and frankly more than I expected given the circumstances." - Darth Dharmakirti

That was most likely one part of this test-run...to see how the communications network would hold up in the event of mass civil panic and the inevitable deluge of people frantically calling-texting-tweeting all at once.

"Wherever the emergency alert button is located, I am pretty sure it will soon be encased in hard plastic soon with a key required to open it.....and the governor will have the key on a bead chain around his neck....and a checklist of required steps before bothering him for the key.

If the North Koreans (or Chinese) did not trigger this "false alarm", they must be thanking their lucky stars right now. Now the early warning system will be more difficult to trigger and will be slow to respond and leave less warning time for Hawaiians....all of which is the wrong response but the most likely." - DonReynolds

That was one of my first thoughts in the first seconds after I heard the emergency alert on my mobile phone. A prank by hacking, a deliberate test run, or the start of a False Flag event to kick off World War III.

Rest assured, T.H.E.Y. used false flag events to kick off the last two world wars, and it is a virtual certainty that the next one will start be started with a false flag event as well.

"If there's a conspiracy, that's the most likely one. Drills are BS. If you want to know how people react, you have to give them a real life test. We'll see how sunk America is over the next few days, because after the shock wears off, the real news is Hawaii is comically unprepared." - Roundtine

How does the average citizen living in one of the highest cost-of-living states, financed to the gills in usury to live the American Dream in Paradise, going to prepare for an actual Nuclear Strike from North Korea? We have our preppers amongst the populace, but the majority of people live in old plantation style single wall-housing on stilts, McMansions in modern American-planned community-style suburban housing tracts with *NO BASEMENTS*, and high rise apartment buildings.

The current Civil Defense system is set up in Hawaii to have the majority of the populace seek shelter in the concrete building public schools that are in every community throughout the State. Great idea for hurricanes and tsunamis, but in terms of a direct nuclear strike?

I'd rather get vaporized in the comfort of my own home rather then crowded into the nearest public school shelter with a bunch of my panic-jacked neighbors in a post-apocalyptic world.

"The Q anon explanation is that a missile alert triggers a bulk data transfer and wipe of the NSA data center in Hawaii." - Phelps

That certainly sounds plausible. Running a planned test could certainly have more than one objective they wish to achieve.

"It's news about a political subject - I assume that all parties involved are lying, the media will not understand and misquote, and the truth has only a tangential contact with anything said by anyone involved (if at all)." - Just another commenter

I could have wrote that.

Maybe I did.

"Obviously a shady group in Russian government shot a missile at Hawaii, which was shot down, but unfortunately at the exact same moment, another shady group in Russian government, which didn't know of the other group, hacked the alarm system into giving what was supposed to be a false alarm. A third group of Russians have earlier influenced Trump to create a dangerous world in which this would create hysteria.

It's Russians all the way down." - Markku

Markku forgot the most important aspect of the Russiangate connection...it was to cover for the closing of the HotDog Stand that was the Hawaiian connection to Pizzagate...

"i'm with the conspiracy theorists on this. we decided we were not ready to have a war today... so we covered up the fact that we shot down the missile.

Now.. if that is true... then we can predict a big build up for war in the near future. with questionable justification for it." - Nate

This could be true too...we have the anti-missile testing base at Kekaha on Kaua'i, and they have been regularly doing missle defense tests at least since the Reagan era cold war.

But I don't believe NoRKo actually launched anything. Or if they did, it was most likely a dummy missile with no nuke payload, meant more as a demonstration of "Here's our range with what we are capable of with our ballistic missiles." If our "star wars" program at Kekaha shot that missile down, it HAD to be a non-nuke payload, otherwise I'm quite sure we would have at least heard it get blown to smithereens. People in mainland China purportedly saw the nuclear blasts at Hiroshima and Nagasaki. If our anti-missile defense system intercepted a live nuke from NorKo, we would have heard or seen something in our skies....

"I don't buy either the "oops" excuse or the "we shot one down" scenario.
I'm going with some low-level apparatchik flipping a few switches intentionally trying to get the President to blink & launch pre-emptively at the NORKs. HI, as noted above is deep-HRC country...likely heavy on the #resist...I put nothing past that mob of jackals." - John (not the pope)

While I believe that is certainly possible amongst the hardcore progressive trueblues that are everywhere in this State, I don't believe this sort of event is even possible to start with low-level apparatchik screwing up their job. 

"It seems more likely this was a test. You can't test a genuine public response if you say it's a drill." - Battlefrog

Agreed.

"If you are vacationing in Hawaii when a missile attack occurs, there isn't much you can do unless you have close relatives with a home nearby. Rather than panic you may as well order the most expensive thing in the restaurant or from room service and enjoy your last meal." - Precious

For a moment, I suspended my disbelief and thought about what I should do if it was indeed a real missile attack. I thought about lighting up my most expensive cigar in my humidor and finishing off my most treasured bottle of Pappy Van Winkle. Glad I stuck with my first instincts that it was a false alarm.

I'll save the Pappy for a better special occasion.